Katt Williams - Kids

Katt Williams: Live Season 1, Ep 0101 01/11/2011 Views: 105,706

White parents are different from black parents. (2:39)

>> YOU SEE, I DON'T KNOW

HOW YOU RAISE YOUR KIDS.

WE ALL RAISE OUR KIDS DIFFERENT.

AND I KNOW A LOT OF COMICS

MESS WITH WHITE PEOPLE,

AND TELL WHITE PEOPLE

THEY NEED TO BEAT THEIR KIDS.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IT AIN'T THAT,

IT AIN'T LIKE NIGGAS

GOT IT ALL DOWN PAT

WHEN IT COME TO RAISING KIDS,

WE ALL GOT PROBLEMS.

WE JUST GOT DIFFERENT PROBLEMS.

IT WOULD SEEM LIKE WHITE PEOPLE

ARE A LITTLE BIT TOO LENIENT

ON THEIR CHILDREN,

AND NIGGAS ARE A BIT TOO HARSH

ON OURS.

ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT

THE WHITE FAMILY'S HOUSE,

YOU CAN GET TIME OUT

FOR SETTING THE FAMILY DOG

ON FIRE.

[LAUGHTER]

AT THE NIGGA HOUSEHOLD,

YOU CAN GET BEAT HALF TO DEATH

FOR FORGETTING TO FEED

THE FAMILY DOG.

NOW THAT'S THE SAME GODDAMN DOG.

[LAUGHTER]

WE JUST DO SHIT DIFFERENTLY,

BUT WHITE PEOPLE, PLEASE TAKE

THIS BACK TO YOUR COMMUNITY.

[LAUGHTER]

PLEASE STOP PUTTING

YOUR CHILDREN

ON THEM GODDAMN LEASHES.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT IS JUST ENTERTAINMENT

FOR NIGGAS, WE...

[LAUGHTER]

OH, WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE

THAT SHIT IN THE STORE.

WE GET RIGHT BY THE REGISTER,

JUST...

[LAUGHTER]

THAT WHITE LITTLE KID'S WAKE UP,

GROW UP TO BE 26 AND

KILL EVERYBODY IN THE FAMILY,

'CAUSE YOU DONE HAD THEM

ON THE LEASH LIKE A DOG.

THEY JUST IN THE TOY STORE,

JUST, "I WANT IT, I WANT IT..."

[LAUGHTER]

AND BLACK PEOPLE LAUGHING

LIKE WE GOT THE SHIT DOWN PAT,

WE AIN'T NO GOOD, NEITHER.

YOU GOT TO STOP BEATIN'

YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' KIDS

IN THE GODDAMN GROCERY STORE.

YOU JUST HEAD IN

THE CHECKOUT LINE,

SOON AS YOUR BABY TOUCHES

THE SKITTLES, YOU,

"DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT-?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

JUST, "MA'AM, THAT BABY IS

A TODDLER, YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT."

[LAUGHTER]

JUST SAYING, DON'T LET

YOUR KIDS STRESS YOU OUT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU RAISE

YOUR KIDS, BUT I'M A PIMP.

[LAUGHTER]

NOT BECAUSE I PUT WOMEN

ON THE STREET,

I THINK PIMP.

THEREFORE I AM.

I SEE SOME NIGGAS WRITING IT

DOWN, FEEL FREE, FEEL FREE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO THE FIRST RULE OF PIMPING IS

YOU DON'T LIE.

SO I DON'T LIE TO MY SON

ABOUT NOTHING.

HE'S NINE, HE AIN'T

NEVER BELIEVED IN SANTA CLAUS,

I'M SORRY.

I CANNOT AFFORD FOR HIM

TO WALK AROUND THINKING

IT'S A WHITE MAN GOING THROUGH

THE GHETTO GIVING NIGGAS

PLAYSTATIONS.

[LAUGHTER]

NO, NO.

DADDY BOUGHT THAT WITH

HIS WEED MONEY, BABY.

[LAUGHTER]

CAN YOU SAY "SACRIFICE"?

[LAUGHTER]

SACRIFICE.