David Feldman - Golden Years

  • Season 7 , Ep 19
  • 06/19/2003
  • Views: 945

David Feldman welcomes his golden years. (1:44)

AMSTERDAM.

[CHEERS]

THANK YOU.

WHERE PROSTITUTION IS LEGAL.

LET ME REPHRASE THAT.

I WAS JUST VACATIONING IN

AMSTERDAM BECAUSE PROSTITUTION

IS LEGAL.

[LAUGHTER]

GREAT BEING BACK IN MANHATTAN,

I FORGOT HOW EXPENSIVE THIS TOWN

IS.

CHECKING INTO THE HOTEL THIS

MORNING, I LITERALLY HAD TO GIVE

THE BELLHOP $10 JUST FOR TAKING

MY TIP.

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY IF I SEEMED A LITTLE

PISSED OFF, BUT I RAN ONE

OF THOSE NEW PHOTO-ENFORCED

INTERSECTIONS AND I GOT THE

TICKET YESTERDAY AND I LOOKED

AT IT.

AND I WENT "YEP, NO DOUBT ABOUT

IT, I NEED MORE HAIR PLUGS."

[LAUGHTER]

TRYING THIS NEW DRUG CALLED

PROSCAR.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS YOUNG

MAN?

PROSCAR?

IT'S A PROSTATE MEDICATION

WHOSE SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE HAIR

GROWTH.

AND I THINK IT'S BEGINNING TO

WORK BECAUSE LAST MONTH DURING

MY COLONOSCOPY MY DOCTOR TOLD ME

I HAD THE HAIRIEST PROSTATE

HE'S EVER SEEN.

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHAT I'M DOING IS I'M GROWING

THE HAIR ON MY PROSTATE

VERY LONG THEN COMBING IT UP

AND OVER.

[LAUGHTER]

AND AS LONG AS THERE'S NO

ILL WIND, I THINK IT LOOKS

PRETTY GOOD, DON'T YOU, LADIES,

HUH?

HUH, LADIES?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

YEAH, THERE'S A GOOD CAREER

MOVE, MENTIONING MY COLONOSCOPY

ON STAGE.

SEE, A LOT OF COMICS ARE AFRAID

OF GETTING OLDER, NOT ME.

I WELCOME MY GOLDEN YEARS 'CAUSE

I THINK THEY WILL GIVE ME TIME

TO DO THE THINGS I COULD NEVER

DO BEFORE.

LIKE GETTING VERY SICK AND

DYING.

[LAUGHTER]

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