because I'm gladI'm doing comedy.
Because I wasa social worker before.
Um, not a good one at all;not a good one.
I... I quit caringabout the kids long ago.
'Cause I don't, I don't knowif you got the memo,
but kids are evil--does anybody...?
They are evil little creaturesbecause they don't
have the same filters thatwe as adults have and hold dear.
I'm going to tell you this
just because we're family now.
Um, I'm blind in my left eye.
It doesn't work.It wobbles a bit sometimes.
Don't be alarmed, sir.It's going to be okay, um...
It's all right.I, I ain't even know know
you guys were over there.That is nice. Did you...?
You knew they were there; youwasn't gonna tell me or nothing.
You just gonna let--okay, that's...
Be back to y'all in a minute.
But no one here as adultswas going to say anything.
Nobody's going to say anythingto me about my eye.
You might textthe person next to you
or talk about it in the car,but you're
not going to say anything to me.
Not the case with kids.
I go into their homes like,
"Hi, little kids.I'm here to save you."
"Eww, what's wrongwith your eye?"
"Forget you, you little bastard.That's why your mama on crack
and you ain'tnever gonna be nothin'."
Ooh, right... kids...
And I wasn't madefor a 9:00 to 5:00 job,
'cause we had to dostupid trainings like
sexual harassment training--did anybody have to go to those?
Apparently,it is taboo to tongue kiss
your coworkers in the hallway.
That's a problemfor some reason.
But I personally don't wantto work in an environment where
somebody can't smack meon the ass every once in a while
and let me knowI'm doing a good job.
Like, how...how else do you know?
Ooh, thank you, John.I'll keep it up. Thank you.
I need sexual harassmentin my life.
I need all of that.
Like, I sleep with it at night.
Like, "Ooh, at leastJohn likes me. This is..."
And I would asksome single ladies to say,
"Oh, we're here. We..."
No, we're not happy about it.We're sad.
Like, we need a newsingle lady shout out.
Like, where arethe single ladies at?
And that's gonna be it.
That's the new thing right now.