Greg Giraldo - First Baby

  • Season 3 , Ep 10
  • 08/08/2000
  • Views: 7,467

Greg Giraldo is excited to be having probably his first baby. (2:05)

VALENTINE'S DAYJUST USED TO BE

FOR YOUR GIRLFRIENDOR YOUR WIFE.

NOW EVERYONE'S LIKE,"OH, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY."

I GOT A VALENTINE'S DAY CARDFROM MY GRANDMOTHER.

HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT?WE STOPPED HAVING SEX YEARS AGO.

SHE'S STILL MAILING ME CARDS.

SO WE'RE HAVINGONE OF THOSE BABIES SOON,

WHICH, THAT'S A LOT--

I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY MY FIRSTKID, AND I'M REALLY THRILLED.

BUT IT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE,YOU KNOW.

YOU GOT TO FEED THEMALMOST EVERY DAY,

AND YOU GOT TO DOALL KIND OF STUFF,

AND I'M, LIKE, IRRESPONSIBLE.

MY WIFE WENT AWAY ONCEFOR A WEEK.

SHE CAME HOME,AND ALL THE PLANTS WERE DRIED UP

BECAUSE I FORGOT TO WATER THEM.

AND I THOUGHT,"MAN, IF THAT WAS A KID,

THAT WOULD'VE DEFINITELY BEENA FIGHT," KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.

IT'S A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY.

PLUS MY WIFE NOW IS ALL CRAZED'CAUSE SHE'S ALL HORMONAL.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER BEENAROUND A PREGNANT WOMAN BEFORE,

BUT OH, MY GOD.

THEY MAKE NONPREGNANT WOMENSEEM REASONABLE.

PUT IT THAT WAY.

THE OTHER DAY,SHE WAS ALL UPSET.

I ALWAYS SAY THE WRONG THING.

SHE WAS CRYING, "YOU'RE NOTGONNA FIND ME ATTRACTIVE

WHEN I GET REALLY BLOATEDAND HUGE AND PREGNANT."

I WANTED TO MAKE HER FEELBETTER, SO I'M LIKE,

"HONEY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

"I'LL ALWAYS FIND YOUATTRACTIVE; I LOVE YOU.

"BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE

I HAVEN'T NAILEDA FAT GIRL BEFORE."

I MEAN, THIS IS AMERICA,AND I'M A HEAVY DRINKER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND IT DIDN'T REALLY CHEER HERUP THE WAY I'D HOPED IT WOULD.

RAISING THIS KIDIS GONNA BE CREEPY.

MY FATHER STILL CONTROLS MY LIFETO THIS DAY, YOU KNOW.

I'VE BEEN RIDINGA MOTORCYCLE FOR YEARS,

AND MY FATHER DOESN'T KNOW ABOUTIT BECAUSE I'M NOT ALLOWED.

AT CHRISTMAS,I'M OPENING MY GIFTS.

SOMEBODY GOT METHESE LEATHER CHAPS

THAT YOU WEAR ON THE MOTORCYCLEIN THE WINTERTIME.

AND I OPEN THEM UPIN FRONT OF MY FATHER.

GREAT, NOW I'VE GOT TO PRETENDTO BE GAY

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE--

START WORKING OUTAND EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW.

"NO, THEY'RE NOTFOR A MOTORCYCLE, DAD.

THEY'RE FOR HAVING SEX WITH GUYSIN LEATHER BARS."

"OKAY, OKAY; YOU HAD ME WORRIEDFOR A MINUTE."

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