David O'Doherty - Love Song

Mike Lawrence, Andy Zaltzman, Kurt Braunohler, David O'Doherty Season 3, Ep 4 08/10/2012 Views: 17,754

David O'Doherty has a few questions for his ex-girlfriend. (2:45)

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I... uh... I went to... I wentto an all-boys' school and

I'm not sure you everreally get over that.

You know, on some level forthe rest of my life,

every time I walk in toa room like, "hey!

"Oh, girls, oh, what doyou do, what do you do?

"Uh... draw a penis on their...

"No, you don't draw a penis."

That's... single-sex schoolsare so weird.

They're almost... like, I findsomething sort of barbaric

about them, you know?

It annoys me a lot whenpeople go,

"yeah, but academically, boysand girls do much better when

"they're kept apart."

"Oh, yeah, what's moreimportant:

"getting a C in history or beingable to relate to 50%

"of the world's population?"



I'll leave you with a song.

This is, uh, this is a lovesong.

You can take it right down.

♪ I just heard about himtoday from your friend ♪

♪ Who thought I knew

♪ And, you know, yeah, it'sgreat that you've been able ♪

♪ To move on so fast,but I have ♪

♪ Another question for you

♪ What has this prick got thatI haven't got? ♪

♪ Oh, he works in a book shop,does he? ♪

♪ Well, roop-de-doo!

♪ I've got millions of books and ♪

♪ I let people readthem for free ♪

♪ Oh, he's got a Vespa!

♪ He's got one of those fancy,imported Italian scooters! ♪

♪ I've got a car!

♪ At least, I think he's got aVespa ♪

♪ He's sitting on one inthe picture of him ♪

♪ I found on the internet

♪ I've got a few questionsabout him ♪

♪ Does he have conversationalFrench? ♪

♪ Non! ♪

♪ Neither do I, butI have the accent ♪

♪ And that's the hard part

♪ How's his parking?

♪ You know how good my parkingis: in from the front ♪

♪ In through the back, makes noodds ♪

♪ Why would you throw all ofthis away? ♪

♪ Has he ever written you asong? ♪

♪ I've written you millions ofthe pricks! ♪

♪ This one's a bad example

♪ You just can't see thatI've changed ♪

♪ I'm basically acompletely different guy ♪

♪ Who just happensto look the same ♪

♪ With the same voiceand the same name ♪

♪ But there, the similarityends ♪

♪ I'm into new things now,like dancing and salad ♪

♪ And tidying and feelings

♪ The only thing he has that Idon't have... ♪

♪ Is you.


Thank you very much.