Paul Gilmartin - Michael Jackson's Kids

  • Season 8 , Ep 25
  • 05/27/2004
  • Views: 2,464

Michael Jackson rides around on a jetpack when he takes his kids to the mall. (1:47)

WHEN ARE WE GONNA STOP TRYING

TO LEGISLATE MORALITY IN THIS

COUNTRY?

WHEN ARE WE GONNA STOP LETTING

THE RIGHT WING RUIN EVERYTHING?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S SAD TO THINK ABOUT IT,

BUT LET'S FACE IT.

THE AVERAGE AMERICAN WOULDN'T

KNOW HOW TO QUESTION AUTHORITY

IF IT WAS ON THE OTHER END OF A

"KNOCK KNOCK" JOKE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I BELIEVE IN GOD.

I DO.

I CONSIDER MYSELF A SPIRITUAL

PERSON.

I DON'T CONSIDER--

I DON'T THINK I HAVE A HOTLINE

TO GOD, BUT I CERTAINLY DON'T

THINK THE ANSWER TO ANY QUESTION

INVOLVING GAYS IS TO WRITE THEM

OFF AS DIRTY AND THEN GO SING

OFF-KEY IN A SUIT ONCE A WEEK.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU EVER BEEN IN AN ARGUMENT

WITH SOMEBODY AND THEY START

QUOTING THE BIBLE ON YOU?

I TRULY WOULD HAVE MORE RESPECT

IF YOU QUOTED HALL & OATES.

[LAUGHTER]

AT LEAST I KNOW THEY WALKED

THE EARTH...

OR AWKWARDLY DANCED IT.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO

HAPPEN WITH THE P.L.O.

I THINK ARAFAT WAS DEFINITELY

NOT THE ANSWER.

IT WAS LIKE HOW HE RENOWNED

TERRORISM, YEAH, WITH THAT DEAD

LOOK IN HIS EYE, LIKE WHEN

MICHAEL JACKSON HAS TO KISS A

WOMAN.

[LAUGHTER]

CAN'T EVEN STAY IN HIS BODY FOR

THE LIE.

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO BE MICHAEL

JACKSON'S KID?

I WAS EMBARRASSED BECAUSE MY DAD

WORE BLACK SOCKS WITH SHORTS.

[LAUGHTER]

IMAGINE THAT FREAK FOLLOWING

YOU AROUND THE MALL?

YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO FIT IN.

HE ZIPS BY IN A JETPACK DRESSED

LIKE SHIRLEY TEMPLE?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HANGING OUT AT YOUR FIRST LITTLE

LEAGUE GAME.

HE ROLLS UP IN GARBO'S COFFIN.

[LAUGHTER]

"KICK A TOUCHDOWN."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

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