Daniel Tosh - Tattoos

  • Season 7, Ep 23
  • 07/24/2003
  • Views: 102,165

Why are some tattoos are considered artistic? (1:23)

I FEEL SAD, AND I FEEL LIKE

NUTHIN' IN MY LIFE IS GOING

RIGHT.

SO I LIKE TO TAKE A HOME

PREGNANCY TEST.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

THAT WAY I CAN UTTER THE PHRASE,

"HEY, AT LEAST I'M NOT

PREGNANT."

[LAUGHTER]

AND I REALIZE BETTER DAYS

ARE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

I'M NOT VERY GOOD WITH PEOPLE,

EITHER.

EVEN WHEN I WAS LITTLE,

MY IMAGINARY FRIEND WOULD PLAY

WITH THE KID ACROSS THE STREET.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, AND I'D BE LIKE, "HEY,

I GUESS WE'LL MEET UP LATER."

BUT HE'D BE LIKE, "WHATEVER,

QUEER."

[LAUGHTER]

LOOK, THAT'S NOT NICE AT ALL.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

YOU THINK IT'S TRENDY FOR

YOUNG KIDS IN JAPAN TO GET

TATTOOS OF WORDS WRITTEN IN

ENGLISH?

[LAUGHTER]

HUH?

DO YOU THINK THEY'RE WALKING

AROUND OVER THERE, "HEY, KIM,

CHECK THIS OUT.

I JUST GOT IT YESTERDAY.

IT MEANS LOVE AND WATER."

[LAUGHTER]

OH, THAT'S SEXY.

NAH.

I DON'T LIKE TATTOOS.

I KNOW MY GENERATION LOVES

TO GET 'EM.

I'M NOT A FAN.

MY FRIENDS TRY TO ALWAYS SELL ME

ON 'EM.

THEY'RE LIKE, "TATTOOS,

THAT'S AN ARTISTIC EXPRESSION."

I'M LIKE, "WOW, BECAUSE IT LOOKS

LIKE A BUTTERFLY ABOVE YOUR

COOTER.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I GUESS IN YOUR CIRCLE,

THAT'S ART."

I THINK IF YOU'RE GONNA GET A

TATTOO, JUST GET ONE, THE WORDS,

"I'M DUMB," THAT'S IT.

THAT WAY, IN TEN YEARS,

WHEN YOU GO, "WHY DID I GET

THIS?

YOU CAN BE LIKE, "OH.

I'M DUMB."

[LAUGHTER]

"ME NOT TALKIE NO MORE."

[LAUGHTER]

I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES.

GIRLS IN LOS ANGELES LIKE TO SAY

THIS.

"I'M NOT RELIGIOUS, BUT I'M

SPIRITUAL."

OOH.

I LIKE TO REPLY, "I'M NOT

HONEST, BUT YOU'RE INTERESTING."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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