Robert Kelly - Sixth Fat

Robert Kelly: Live at the Village Underground Season 1, Ep 1 01/09/2015 Views: 14,839

Robert Kelly explains that fat people are better people because they've had more experience hating themselves. (1:53)

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Ha! Look at the size ofyou two.

Did you guys get in a workoutbefore the show tonight?

Dude, I know wherethere's a New York

Sport Club right by the club.

I don't like in-shape peoplemake me-- in-shape men suck.


Fat people, we're better people.

We're nicer people.

You're a shit person, I'm sorry.

You're a shit dude, becauseyou've never hated yourself.

You know, you love yourself.

You love life.

You wake up early.

You sleep like anhour of [beep] sleep.

I want life.

I want to live in this body.

I want to [beep] sleep nude.

I bet you sleep nude.

I know you sleep naked.

You do.

I've been a fatty my whole life.

This is my sixth fat.

You guys, you don't even knowwhat the hell that is, do you?


You've just been alittle, thin, medium guy.


What fat are you on?

MAN: Five.

-That's your fifth fat?

What about you?

That looks like your second fat.

Yeah, ha!

That's a two-fatter.

That-- that's when you goa little further, but then

pull it back.

Yeah, the next one's goingto be a big one, dude.

The third is a mother [beep].

The third fat-- this isa third fat, right here.

That's a-- I just think skinnypeople are shitty people.

We're better people.

Fat guys, we're nicer becausewe've hated ourselves.

Do you understand that?

And you've never hatedanything about you.

Your life is beautiful.

You get to buttonand zip shit and tie

your shoe whenever you want.

What a joyous thingto tie a shoe.

My shoe is untied.

Let me get it.


That's amazing to guys like us.

To me, I have to holdmy breath like I'm

swimming for conch shells.

I might not make it back.

You understand that?

That's never happened to you.

You never woke up in a Targetparking lot two hours later,

when your shoes andchick were gone,

and some skateboard punkwrote fatso across your tits

with a Sharpie.