Jonathan Katz - Second Child

Richard Belzer & Jonathan Katz Season 1, Ep 0102 02/24/1992 Views: 596

An ultrasound is not necessary when you're adopting. (2:36)

I TOOK A WRONG TURN,AND I SEE A SIGN THAT SAYS

"CAUTION, SMALLCHILDREN PLAYING"

SO I SLOW DOWN.

THEN IT OCCURS TO ME, I'MNOT AFRAID OF SMALL CHILDREN.

( laughter )

THAT'S A GOOD THING

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO BECOMEA DAD FOR THE SECOND TIME.

( applause )

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANKS.

AND MY WIFE, WHO TENDSTO BE OVERCAUTIOUS

HAD THE ULTRASOUND LAST WEEK,WHICH EVEN THE DOCTORS SAY

IS NOT NECESSARYWHEN YOU'RE ADOPTING.

STILL...

( laughter )

NO, WE SAW THE HEARTBEAT.

SO EXCITING, SO EXCITING.

AND THE TECHNOLOGY NOWIS SO SOPHISTICATED

THEY CAN ACTUALLY TELL YOUTHE BABY'S NAME.

THAT'S, UH...

( laughter )

AND WE'VE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARSTO HAVE ANOTHER KID.

WE WENT TO A FERTILITY CLINICIN NEW YORK ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

THE DOCTOR ASKED METO BRING IN A SAMPLE

WHICH I DID THE NEXT DAY

AND I HANDED ITTO HIS RECEPTIONIST.

AND IT WAS LIKEAN ANCIENT REFLEX.

I SAID, "I'LL CALL YOU."

( laughter )

MY, UH...

MY DAUGHTER, SHE CAN'TWAIT FOR THE BABY.

SHE'S NINE YEARS OLD, MY GIRL

ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAYTHAT SHE SPOKE HER FIRST WORDS.

MY WIFE AND I WEREHAVING BREAKFAST.

SHE WAS IN THE DENWATCHING MR. ROGERS.

FROM THREE ROOMS AWAY, WE HEAR,"I'M NOT YOUR G.DDAMN NEIGHBOR."

( laughter )

APPARENTLY, IT HAD BEENBUILDING UP, BUT, UH...

THAT'S A WONDERFUL AGE, NINE

ALTHOUGH SHE'S STARTING TO ASKTHOSE EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS

LIKE, "WHAT DOESA GUY LIKE YOU MAKE?"

( laughter )

SHE IS...

OH, SHE IS GREAT, THOUGH.

WE HAD OUR FIRSTSERIOUS TALK ABOUT DRUGS

AND I TRIED TO BEHONEST WITH HER.

I HAD THE TALK WITH HERI WISH I HAD HAD WITH MY DAD.

I HAD A DRUG PROBLEM AS A KID.

I HAD A COCAINE HABITWHEN I WAS 16 YEARS OLD--

SO BAD I WANTED TO GET CAUGHT,I PRAYED TO GET CAUGHT.

I FINALLY GOT MY WISH ONE NIGHT.

MY DAD CATCHES MEWITH A GRAM OF COCAINE

DUMPS IT ON THEDINING ROOM TABLE

RUBS MY NOSE IN IT.

( laughter )

I'M OKAY NOW, BUT THOSE WERETROUBLED TIMES, AND, UH...