Dan Naturman - Michael Jackson

  • Season 9 , Ep 11
  • 04/14/2005
  • Views: 5,211

If Michael Jackson is guilty, he's certainly not your average child molester. (1:55)

JACKSON?

ANY NEWS, ANY NEWS ON THE

MICHAEL JACKSON FRONT?

DO YOU THINK HE'S GUILTY?

DO YOU?

DO YOU THINK MICHAEL JACKSON--

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

WE HAVE SOME APPLAUSE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT APPLAUSE

MEANS.

[LAUGHTER]

I HOPE THE JURORS DON'T APPLAUD

WHEN THEY ASK THEM TO PRONOUNCE

THE VERDICT 'CAUSE THAT'S

NEITHER A YES NOR A NO.

I'M A LITTLE ON THE FENCE

MYSELF.

I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S GUILTY

OR NOT.

HE'S SO WEIRD WHO CAN TELL WITH

THAT GUY.

BUT I TELL YOU THIS, IF HE IS

GUILTY, HE'S CERTAINLY NOT YOUR

AVERAGE CHILD MOLESTER.

THAT WE KNOW FOR SURE, RIGHT,

MOSTLY 'CAUSE WHEN YOU GET TO

MICHAEL'S HOUSE, THERE REALLY

ARE RIDES THERE, THAT'S THE

DIFFERENCE YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, 'CAUSE THEY ALL TELL YOU

THEY GOT RIDES.

AND HOW MANY TIMES DID I FALL

FOR THAT ONE GROWING UP?

AND THEN YOU GET TO THE GUY'S

HOUSE, YOU'RE LIKE "WHERE ARE

THE RIDES?

OH, NO NOT AGAIN.

NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

OH APPARENTLY, I'M THE RIDE.

APPARENTLY, I'M THE RIDE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

UH, SOME GIRL THE OTHER DAY,

SHE GAVE ME A FAKE PHONE NUMBER.

NOW LADIES COME ON NOW,

YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.

THAT'S UNNECESSARY.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE A GUY

HERE'S WHAT YOU DO.

JUST SAY, "I GOT A BOYFRIEND".

THAT WAY NOBODY GETS INSULTED.

BUT DON'T GET ME ALL EXCITED

WITH A PHONE NUMBER AND THEN

I CALL UP AND IT'S A CHINESE

RESTAURANT, ALL RIGHT?

YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW ANNOYING

THAT IS AND YOU CALL UP, "AH,

HUNAN GARDEN."

"I DON'T SUPPOSE LISA'S THERE?

NO, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL HAVE THE

CHICKEN WITH BROCCOLI THEN.

AS LONG AS I HAVE GOT YOU ON

THE PHONE, CHICKEN WITH BROCCOLI

IN A LIGHT BROWN SAUCE."

SOME NIGHT YOU ASK A WOMAN FOR

HER NUMBER AND WE'VE ALL GOT

AN ISSUE, SHE'LL BE LIKE

"I DON'T GIVE MY NUMBER OUT."

YOU LADIES ARE LYING BY THE WAY.

YOU TELL ME BRAD PITT WALKS IN

YOU'RE NOT GIVING YOUR NUMBER

OUT?

YOU'RE GONNA WRITE YOUR NUMBER

ON YOUR BOOBS AND SHAKE THEM

IN HIS FACE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO.

AND THEN I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT

'CAUSE I WAS LIKE "NO BRAD,

DON'T BOTHER, SHE DOESN'T GIVE

HER NUMBER OUT.

ALL RIGHT, I ALREADY ASKED.

IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN DUDE."

[LAUGHTER]

TRY AGAIN, I DON'T CARE IF YOU

WERE IN TROY.

WHAT PART OF "SHE DOESN'T GIVE

HER NUMBER OUT" DON'T YOU

UNDERSTAND?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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