Jack Coen - Raising Kids

  • Season 2 , Ep 11
  • 09/03/1999
  • Views: 3,732

Jack thought he'd never grow up, but now he's in charge. (2:25)

I HOPE SO.

YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, ARE YOU?

NO, OKAY.

I'M MARRIED A LONG TIME.

REAL LONG TIME.

I'M SORRY, WHAT HAPPENED THERE?

I, UH...

NO, I'LL TELL YOU

YOU KNOW YOU'RE MARRIED A LONGTIME WHEN THIS HAPPENS--

THIS HAPPENS TO ME AND...

AT NIGHT WHEN I'M DREAMING

AND A NAKED WOMAN APPROACHES MEIN MY DREAMS--

I TELL HER I'M MARRIED.

( laughing )

HOW SAD IS THAT?

I CAN HEAR MY SUBCONSCIOUSYELLING AT ME:

NAIL HER!

I SET THIS ALL UP FOR YOU,YOU IDIOT.

NO, I DON'T WANT TO FEEL BADWHEN I WAKE UP.

MARRIED 14 YEARS IN MAY--THIS MAY.

14 AND...

( applause )

MY SON WILL BE 14 IN OCTOBER.

YOU'RE NOT GOOD WITH MATHEITHER, ARE YOU, BUD?

OOH-OOH.

IT'S VERY, VERY ODD

TO FIND MYSELF AS A FATHER.

YOU KNOW, I'M PART OF THATBABY BOOM GENERATION

THAT THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GROW UP

AND NOW I'M IN CHARGE,AND I-I FORGET.

YOU KNOW, MY KIDS WILL STARTFIGHTING OR SOMETHING.

I KEEP WAITING FOR MY DADTO COME IN AND...

HEY, YOU BETTER KNOCK IT OFF;DAD'S GOING TO...

I ALWAYS HEARMY FATHER'S VOICE NOW, TOO.

IT'S LIKE, I'M SURE HE'SLAUGHING IN HIS GRAVE

'CAUSE I REMEMBER I USED TO ASK

DAD, WHERE DID ALL THOSE

WRINKLES COME FROMIN YOUR FACE?

( as dad ):YOU, YOUR BROTHER

AND YOUR ( bleep ) SISTER.

( laughing )

IT'S TRUE.

HE WAS SO MUCH BETTER AT ITTHAN I AM.

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKEI'M PLAYING THE ROLE OF DAD.

I REMEMBER WHAT MY DAD DID,AND I JUST ACT LIKE HIM.

YOU KNOW,I FEEL LIKE AN IMPOSTOR

'CAUSE I HAVE TO DISCIPLINEMY CHILDREN

FOR THINGS THAT I REALLYENJOYED DOING

WHEN I WAS A KID.

BUT NOW I'M IN CHARGE.

YOU KNOW, MY SON WILL SAYSOMETHING TO MY WIFE--

HEY, HEY, HEY,THAT'S YOUR MOTHER.

YOU DON'T TALK TO YOUR MOTHERLIKE THAT.

THAT'S YOUR MOTHER.

BUT IN MY HEAD I'M THINKING:

THAT WAS KIND OF FUNNY.

YOU GOT A POINT.

SHE'S GRUMPY IN THE MORNING.

I'M WITH YOU.

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