Kevin Hart - Hot Dog Without the Bun

Season 1 , Ep 0101 Views: 295,499

Kevin Hart's friend finds a photo of a boy's "situation" on his teenage daughter's phone. (1:44)

ONE OF MY FRIENDS GOTA TEEN-AGE DAUGHTER.

HE TOO STRICT.

I TOLD HIM, I SAID, "YOU'VE GOTTO RELAX.

THAT GIRL GONNA DO WHAT SHE WANTTO DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND

ANYWAY.

RELAX, MAN."

HE SAID, "KEV, LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING.

DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITHYOUR KIDS.

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISEMY KIDS."

I SAID, "YOU'RE RIGHT.

I APOLOGIZE."

NOW, THIS ISN'T FUNNY, BUT ITMADE ME LAUGH, OKAY?

HE GOES THROUGH HIS DAUGHTER'SPHONE.

HE FOUND A PICTURE OF A LITTLEBOY'S THING ON THE PHONE, RIGHT?

NOW, THIS IS MY FRIEND, OKAY?

HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING.

IT'S NOT FUNNY THAT HE FOUND APICTURE OF A LITTLE BOY'S THING

ON THE PHONE.

IT WAS FUNNY THE WAY HE TOLD ME,BECAUSE HE CONFIDES IN ME.

HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING.

HE COMES ON THE TOUR BUS.

HE MAD AS [bleep].

HE'S LIKE, "KEV, YOU AIN'T GONNABELIEVE THIS.

I GO THROUGH TIFFANY'S PHONE,AND I FOUND A PICTURE OF A

LITTLE BOY'S, UH, SITUATIONON THE PHONE."

I SAID, "WHAT? WHAT?""I FOUND A PICTURE OF THE HOT

DOG WITHOUT THE BUN ON THEPHONE."

"WHAT ARE YOU"--"A TALLYNACKLE.

SHE HAD--IT'S A [bleep] ON THEPHONE.

SHE GOT A [bleep] ON THE PHONE."

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY,SO I JUST KEPT REPEATING WHAT

HE SAID.

I SAID, "SO YOU TELLIN' MEIT'S A [bleep] ON THE PHONE."

HE SAID, "IT'S A [bleep] ON THEPHONE."

I SAID, "SO RIGHT NOW, IF I LOOKON THE PHONE, THERE'S GONNA BE A

[bleep] IN IT."

I SAID, "WELL, WHAT YOU GONNADO?"

HE SAID, "WHAT YOU THINK I'MGONNA DO?

I'M ABOUT TO GO TO THE SCHOOL."

I SAID, "WHY ARE YOU GOING TOTHE SCHOOL?"

HE SAID, "WHY YOU THINK?

I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHOSE[bleep] IT WAS.

THAT'S WHY I'M GOING TO THESCHOOL."

I SAID, "YO, I DON'T THINKTHAT'S A GOOD-- LOOK.

I DON'T--I DON'T THINK YOUSHOULD DO THAT.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GO TOTHE SCHOOL WITH A PICTURE OF A

LITTLE BOY'S [bleep] IN THEPHONE AND TRY TO MATCH ITUP TO OTHER

LITTLE BOYS.

THAT--THAT'S A LITTLEPEDOPHILEISH, DON'T YOU THINK?

LIKE, YOU'LL--YOU'LL BE IN JAILBEFORE 3:00."

HE SAID, "WELL, WHAT WOULD YOUDO?"

BY FAR, THE MOST DIFFICULTQUESTION I'VE EVER BEEN ASKED IN

MY LIFE.

HE SAID, "WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"AND I THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

I WAS LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IFI FOUND A PICTURE OF A LITTLE

BOY'S THING ON MY DAUGHTER'SPHONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO."

I'D PROBABLY PUNCH HER IN THETHROAT.

I REALLY DON'T--I DON'T KNOW.

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