Royale Watkins - Secret Age

  • Season 9 , Ep 911
  • 02/10/2006
  • Views: 11,344

Royale Watkins doesn't know how old his wife is. (2:54)

AND-- NOT-- NO, NO, NO.

DON'T CLAP 'TIL YOU HEARTHE END OF THIS ONE.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT FIVE YEARS IS?

JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO THINK THIS ONE MIGHT NOT WORK OUT.

I REALIZED RECENTLY, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW OLD MY WIFE WAS.

WE WENT TO THE COURTHOUSETO GET MARRIED.

SHE WOULDN'T LET ME SEENONE OF THE PAPERWORK.

SHE WAS LIKE "YOU GO OVER THERE

"AND PLAY WITHSOME OF THEM VIDEO GAMES.

"I'LL CALL YOU IF I NEED YOU.

- GO PLAY." - [LAUGHTER]

MY WIFE HAD THIS WHOLE GAY MILITARY POLICY WITH HER AGE.

IF I DIDN'T ASK, SHE WOULDN'T TELL.

AND WHEN I DID ASK SHE'D GET OFFENDED.

YOU KNOW, I'D BE, "EX-- LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, BABE,

I MEAN HOW OLD ARE YOU?" "EXCUSE ME?

"LISTEN LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.

"I AM A WOMAN AND A REAL MAN WOULD NOT ASK A WOMAN HER AGE.

"IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW OLD I AM.

"IT'S ABOUT HOW YOUNG I MAKE YOU FEEL.

"NOW GO IN THERE AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH

"AND PUT ON YOUR PAJAMAS. GET READY FOR BED.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND DO NOT TURN THAT LIGHT BACK ON."

"WHY ARE YOU CRYIN'?""I-- I-- I DON'T KNOW."

"STOP CRYIN'. IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

"YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING TO EAT?

YOU WANT SOME CORN BREAD, 'CAUSE I CAN MAKE YOU SOME--"

OLDER WOMEN DON'T MESS AROUND

WITH THE IDLE TIME IN BETWEEN THE LOVEMAKIN'.

YOU STROKE THEIR TITTIES. THEY BE SMOKIN' CIGARETTES.

"IS THIS WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL FOR?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY TRY TO ASK YOULITTLE TRICK QUESTIONS.

THEY ASK YOU STUFF LIKE, "LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

DO YOU LIKE KIDS?"

SEE IF A YOUNG GIRL ASKS YOU LIKE KIDS, SHE'S CURIOUS.

OLDER WOMAN ASKS YOU LIKE KIDS,YOU KNOW WHAT THAT REALLY MEANS?

SHE HAS SOME KIDS. I DIDN'T MEET MY WIFE'S SON

FOR A YEAR AND A HALF INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WAS HIDIN' HIM,

BUT SHE WAS DOIN' A DAMN GOOD JOB OF IT.

THIS DUDE WAS ON THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM IN HIS OWN APARTMENT.

I TELL YOU HOW YOU FIND OUT IF THEY HAVE KIDS.

DO WHAT I DID.I JUST SHOWED UP TO THEAPARTMENT ONE DAY,

WALKED RIGHT IN THEFRONT DOOR UNANNOUNCED.

AND GUESS WHO WAS SITTIN' IN THE LIVIN' ROOM?

SO I GO TO THE KITCHEN AND MY WIFE. I'M LIKE, "PSST.

HEY, BABE. WHO'S THE DUDE SITTIN' IN THE FRONT ROOM?"

AND I'M WHISPERING 'CAUSE HE'S BIGGER THAN I AM.

HE'S LIKE SIX TWO, 225, HE'S ALL MUSCULAR.

AND I DON'T WANNA BE SOMEBODY'S NEW DAD

IF I THINK THEY COULD TAKE ME.SO I'M CURIOUS.

SHE IS LIKE,"WELL, THAT'S MY SON."

I WAS LIKE, "WHOA. YOU DIDN'TTELL ME YOU HAD KIDS."

SHE WAS LIKE, "WELL,TECHNICALLY I DO NOT HAVE KIDS.

"I HAVE A SON.YOU ASKED ME ABOUT THE PLURAL.

"I'M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THE SINGULAR.

"I HAVE A SON.AND WHY ARE YOU CRYIN'?

"YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING TO EAT?

YOU WANT SOME CORN BREAD, 'CAUSE I CAN MAKE YOU SOME."

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

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