You know as much as I lovesci-fi and fantasy
and all that stuff,
I still am baffledby the proliferation
of ghost-hunting shows that havetaken over cable television.
Every channelhas a ghost-hunting show
suggesting that thereis in fact life after death.
Uh, I have a question for you,a logical one.
If there werelife after death,
don't you thinkthat would make the news?
Sure it would.That's a news story.
You wouldn't find out about iton The Travel Channel.
That's like--That is front page news.
You wouldn't be ableto get away from it.
We'd be freaking out.
You'd turn on CNN,it'd be like,
"This is Wolf Blitzer.
"Tonight in The Situation Room,now there's [bleep] ghosts!
Like, someone wouldsay something.
It wouldn't be a bunchof ex-sports bar bouncers
bumbling their way throughan abandoned hospital
with a shakynight vision camera
freaking out about everything.
"Bro, did youjust blow my neck?
My arm just got cold, bro."
"Whoa, I just sawa thing move, bro."
"Oh, bro, so cold, bro.
So cold, bro."
And every ghost thatthey're hunting on those shows
are, like,100 years old-plus.
You ever notice that?
There's no new ghosts.
Is the ghosthood processthat red tapey
that it takes about a centuryfor the paperwork to go through?
Why? They always goto some manor house
and a woman's like,"Well, in 1884,
"a little girldied outside in a well,
"and now at 3:00 a.m.,
you can hear littlewet footsteps in the hallways."
Like,you never hear them say,
"In 1984, a young man diedon The Sunset Strip,
"and now at 3:00 a.m.you can hear the rattling
of a chain walleton acid wash jeans."
As a side note,do you think Patrick Swayze
now goes up behind peoplein pottery classes and hugs them
just to crack upother ghosts?