Uncensored - Kurt Metzger - Jaywalking Ticket

Kurt Metzger: White Precious Season 1, Ep 101 07/11/2014 Views: 8,147

Kurt Metzger describes how his jaywalking ticket compares to other historical atrocities. (3:00)

Watch Full Episode

I just got, uh, $500 takenout of my bank account.

I was in San Diego,and I got a jaywalking ticket.

Well, it was $200,the ticket.

But when I got it,I was like,

"Fuck your cityand your laws.

"And you--this cop--you got a better shot

of seeing Jesus blow Buddhathan me pay you $200."

"What do you think of that?"

And, yeah,so they just take that

out of your bank account.

You have to pay that.

You absolutely have to paythat ticket.

Don't thinkyou're not paying it,

'cause in San Diego,it's a whole new world.

But I got pulled over walking.

I was drunk walking,

which is what I thoughtyou were supposed to do,

by the way.

Minding my business.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah.

Has that ever happened to youin New York?

You got pulled overon foot

and issueda jaywalking ticket?

No, because copshave shit to do here.

It's a little differentthan San Diego.

They have to stop and friskevery black man

who's ever lived here twice,

so they don't have time

for my white jaywalkingsin this town.

There's a lotof black people here.

But this oinker looked meright in my face, this pig,

and wrote mea $200 jaywalking ticket.

Like that's okay?

I shouldn't--and also,I know I shouldn't call him--

shouldn't call him a pig.

Because the guy'sjust doing his job, right?

That's how you're supposedto take that.

He's doing his job,

like an Auschwitz guard,basically.

Like a Naziconcentration camp guard!

All right, that's too much.Sorry.

That is--no, not like that.

That's really a bad...

That's way out of line, okay?

My ticket and the Holocaustare not...

They're not in the same...

It's just a lot of money.

It's a lot of money, dude.

But I know it's nota fair comparison,

because, let's face it,

not even Hitler would chargea guy 200 fucking dollars

for fucking jaywalking,right?

Even a sack of shitlike Adolf Hitler

would have the Christianity--

the basic Christianity

to not charge $200for jaywalking.

I saw every Hitler showon the History Channel,

and he committedevery evil crime you can commit,

except overchargefor jaywalking.

So congratulationsto the city of San Diego

on finishingthe work of Hitler.

That's more than fair.

That is more than fair.

Yeah.

No one has sufferedmore than me.