I just gotta watch what Isay to the kids.
You see,my wife has
a master's in education.
She's a readingand writing specialist.
She's readall the parenting books.
And then she leaves,and it all goes
out the window,and I say
horrible thingsto the children.
I was getting the kids readybecause I was gonna
go over to a comedian's housefor a barbecue.
We all hang out.But she's gone.
So I get the little girl ready,but I make the mistake
of sending my sonto get himself ready.
Any parent knowsthat's a crapshoot.
He's gonna come out wearinga cape and a bathing suit
like, "Let's do this."
But sure enough,he comes out,
but instead of the capeand the bathing suit,
he got into the bottomof his drawers and closet.
So he got old pants.
He had floods, holesin both knees, old T-shirt.
Two years old,so it doesn't fit him anymore.
There's skin showing.
So he comes out looking like
this effeminateEuropean drifter.
"Hello, father.I'm ready for the barbecue.
"I hope they havethose little smokies there,
and I will suck on them."
Like, it's hardnot to laugh.
"No, you can't wear that.What are you doing?
Why don't you wearthe good clothes?"
Then he got upsetbecause he put
a lot of thoughtinto his ensemble.
He goes, "Aw, these aremy favorite pants.
"I'm gonna wear 'em.I just found 'em.
"You said get ready.
"This is my favorite T-shirt,and I got ready.
I'm gonna wear it."
And here's me sayingsomething stupid.
I go, "Dude,you're gonna be embarrassed."
And without missing a beat, hejust steps to me a little bit.
He goes, "I'm notgonna be embarrassed.
They're your friends."
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, that's pretty good.
So I made himwear the outfit,
and it turns outwe were both embarrassed.
Taught a six-year-old shame,
and I nevertold my wife about it.