New York,it's great to be here.
It's lovely to standin front of a neon swastika.
That's pretty cool.
Uh, it is greatto be back.
I used to live in New Yorkfor years.
And, uh, I had to moveto L.A. last year.
And I-- I miss New Yorkvery much.
Uh, I was thinkingabout it recently
and I realizedthe thing I miss most
about livingin New York City
are the bodegas.
A lot of people don't knowwhat bodegas are.
Oh, well, they're onevery corner in New York City.
Uh, they're a lot likea convenience store,
like a 24-hour 7/11,
but, uh, much smallerand filthy.
And all they sellare, like, plantains...
Jesus candles.You know?
You know,the essentials.
But they are convenient.They're open all night.
One time I went intomy neighborhood bodega
It was, like,3:00 in the morning.
I was very drunk or high,it doesn't matter.
All you need to knowis if my mom saw me,
she would be very sadand disappointed in me.
It's 3:00 in the morning.Very drunk and high.
Walked over, grabbed a bagof Goya-brand potato chips,
or whatever they sell there.
And I start walkingtowards the cash register.
I made, like, three steps,
and then out of nowhere,uh, I suddenly heard
the worst noiseI'd ever heard in my life.
It was just this awfulhigh-pitch screeching sound.
I thought it was, like,an alarm or something.
And I startedlooking around
to see if I could turnthe alarm off.
And eventuallyI glanced down,
and that's when I noticed
I was standingon a cat.
So I lift my leg up,the cat ran away,
and I was like,"I'm sorry, bodega cat."
Then, uh, you know,I started looking around
to see if anyone heard the noiseover the reggae tone blasting
on the radio.
Then I look at the counter,
and the store owneris glaring at me.
He saw the whole thing,and he was furious.
As he should be.
I was standing on his catfor so long.
I was like, Señor, question.Ooh, pregunta.
Una. Una pregunta.
Um, por qué gato...
Why the [BLEEP] do you havea gato running around...