Greg Giraldo - $25 Million Reward for bin Laden

  • Season 8 , Ep 18
  • 04/01/2004
  • Views: 11,339

If bin Laden were in America with a $25 million reward on his head, people would turn themselves in. (1:19)

REMEMBER OSAMA BIN LADEN?

REMEMBER OSAMA BIN LADEN?

PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1.

WE GOTTA GET BIN LADEN.

WE GOTTA GET OSAMA BIN LADEN.

THEN THE NEW SEASON OF

"AMERICAN IDOL" CAME ON, AND

WE'RE LIKE, "AH, FORGET IT.

WHATEVER.

IT DOESN'T MATTER."

[LAUGHTER]

HOW DO WE NOT FIND HIM?

WHY IS THAT BEING SO

TRIVIALIZED?

THE FACT THAT WE CAN'T FIND HIM

IS A BIG DEAL, FOLKS,

RIGHT?

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DEMOCRATIZE

THE ENTIRE MIDDLE EAST,

BUT WE CAN'T FIND AN EIGHT FOOT

TALL TERRORIST WITH KIDNEY

FAILURE?

I MEAN THE DUDE'S GOT A BEAK

LIKE A TOUCAN.

HE'S GOTTA STAND OUT.

HE'S TETHERED TO A DIALYSIS

MACHINE THAT HE SOMEHOW DRAGS

AROUND FROM RECORDING SESSION

TO RECORDING SESSION.

YOU KNOW THAT'S GOTTA LEAVE

SOME SORT OF TRAIL IN THE SAND.

CAN'T WE TRACK THAT DOWN?

[APPLAUSE]

25-- $25 MILLION REWARD.

$25 MILLION REWARD AND

NO ONE'S TURNING HIM.

AND WE ACT LIKE, "GOD,

THEY ALL WANT US TO BE THERE.

THEY WANT US TO COME HELP."

$25 MILLION REWARD AND NOT ONE

OF THOSE BASTARDS IS TURNING

HIM IN, NOT ONE OF THEM.

AND $25 MILLION'S A LOT OF

MONEY IN NORTHERN PAKISTAN.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE NOT TURNING--

COULD YOU IMAGINE IF THERE

WAS A $25 MILLION REWARD FOR--

IMAGINE IF BIN LADEN WAS IN

THE UNITED STATES, AND THEY

OFFERED A $25 MILLION REWARD,

HOW MANY THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE

WOULD BE LINED UP AROUND THE

BLOCK TURNING PEOPLE IN,

ANYONE THAT REMOTELY LOOKED

LIKE HIM?

"I GOT HIM!

IT'S HIM!"

YOU KNOW?

PEOPLE TURNING THEMSELVES IN.

IT'S ME!"

PEOPLE LITERALLY DRAGGING

THEIR OWN KIDS IN, DRESSING

THEM UP TO LOOK LIKE BIN LADEN.

"THAT'S HIM, HE'S A MASTER OF

DISGUISE.

HE LOOKS A LOT TALLER ON CAMERA.

HE'S SITTING ON ANOTHER GUY'S

SHOULDERS."

[LAUGHTER]

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