Season 3 Trailer - Uncensored

10/13/2016 Views: 1,842

When the new season begins on October 13, host Ari Shaffir welcomes comedians Louie Anderson, Rory Scovel, Maria Bamford, Joey Diaz and more to tell their wildest stories. (2:07)

Tags:  uncensored

[cheers and applause]

Welcome to "This is Not Happening."

I'm your host, Ari Shaffir.

- Yeah.- [screams]

It's a storyteller show.

It's just a bunch of funny people

telling 100% true stories.

This is the first year

I have ever talkedabout this onstage.

- Tonight the topic is...

This woman is straddling my face

with 12-inch black dildo

and Excaliburs itinto my mouth.

- [screams]

- Ah...

No, uh...

- Ka-blam!

Yo, did you know Osama bin Laden?

Do you want to meet his brother?

Fuck yeah I do!

- I'm on fire.My insides are burning.

I go to the doctor...

And the doctor's like,

"Tell him we have to cutthe tip of his dick open."

- [shouts]

- Oh, my God.

- Like an existential shattering

of a human soul.

Putting a penis in an eye

is a party stopper.

On one explosion of life

I laughed out loud, peed one,squirt, and farted in her face.

A knock on the door. It's the cops.

And I'm like,"Oh, no thank you."

- In my house, blackmail,larceny,

arson more than once.

I am on drugs!

I'm sorry, sir!

Don't call my dad!

- Percocet, a lot of mushrooms.

- Cocaine.

- We're lost because we're high.

And we're ten.

- Yeah, my friend Stan has gotall the puppies.

He's got 'em. Get in the van.

- I'm practically insane.

If I don't trust to usedcondom

with a regular human woman,

you'll be goddamned if I justgive it to a homeless lady.

She could be actively sucking my dick

and dudes would still be going,

"What are you doing later?"

- Shut up!

Shut up!

- It's my first time terrorizinganyone.

I'm going balls to the wall.

It was louder than any jet engine.

It was...[shouting]

- [screams]

- I am going to...[inaudible]

And I'm going to drink a sipof his blood,

because I fucking hated[inaudible].

One of you motherfuckers is like,

"Joey, you can't hit a woman."

She's a fucking nun.Big fucking difference, okay?

Big fucking difference!

[cheers and applause]

- Ah.

- Yeah.

[cheers and applause]