Paul Gilmartin - Don't Mess with China

  • Season 8 , Ep 25
  • 05/27/2004
  • Views: 3,386

THAT HAVE HUMAN RIGHTS

VIOLATIONS, I SAY WE DRAW THE

LINE AT CHINA.

I DON'T CARE WHAT CHINA DOES.

I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT CHINA.

THERE'S TWO BILLION CHINESE.

THEY COULD KAYAK OVER AND PUT

UP A GOOD FIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

PLUS, WE DON'T UNDERSTAND

ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR CULTURE.

VERY HUMBLE CULTURE.

YOU EVER SEEN THEM WIN A GOLD

MEDAL.

[SUBDUED VOICE] "THANK YOU

VERY MUCH.

I WIN FOR COUNTRY.

THANK YOU."

[LAUGHTER]

[YELLING] WHEN WE WIN, "HEY,

MOTHER[BLEEP]!

NUMBER ONE!"

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S LITERALLY ANOTHER PLANET.

YOU EVER SEEN A DOCUMENTARY ON

CHINA?

IT IS ANOTHER PLANET.

"MING DO AWAKES AT DAWN AND

PEDALS 26 MILES TO HIS JOB AT

THE DUNG FACTORY.

[LAUGHTER]

TIRES ARE A LUXURY.

FOR NOW, HE USES COCONUTS.

[LAUGHTER]

MIDWAY THROUGH THE RIDE,

THE FRONT COCONUT SHATTERS.

HE MUST WHEELIE THE REMAINING

13 MILES.

[LAUGHTER]

HIS VISION OBSCURED,

HE COLLIDES WITH A TREE AND LAYS

DAZED BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD,

AND HIS GRANDPARENTS TOPPLE FROM

HIS SHOULDERS.

[LAUGHTER]

AS THE MONSOON SWEEPS THEIR

BODIES OUT TO SEA, THEY GIVE

THANKS FOR THE RICH LIFE THEY

LED."

COULD I FEEL ANY MORE SPOILED?

YEAH.

WHO DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO BE

A MORE TENACIOUS FIGHTER,

THE GUY WHO CAN LIVE ON PEAPODS

OR THE GUY WHO CAN BALANCE THE

REMOTE ON HIS GUT?

[LAUGHTER]

I MIGHT HAVE TO GO WITH MY

SLENDER ASIAN FRIEND.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

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