Greg Giraldo: WELL, I DON'T

KNOW IF THESE WILL BE ISSUES

OR NOT, BUT YOU KNOW, THERE'S

A LOT OF BIO-ETHICAL ISSUES,

CLONING, STEM CELL RESEARCH,

YOU KNOW.

NOBODY CARES ANYMORE NOW WE'RE

IN A BIG WAR, BUT CLONING

IS GOING TO HAPPEN, LET'S FACE

IT.

LET'S FACE IT.

CLONING IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

I JUST DON'T TRUST THE PEOPLE

DOING THE CLONING.

FIRST OF ALL, WE'VE GOT THIS

GUY IN ITALY, A FERTILITY

DOCTOR, ANTINORI.

HE'S SUPPOSEDLY CLONING BABIES.

AND YOU KNOW, LAST YEAR HE

HELPED A 72-YEAR-OLD WOMAN

GIVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY.

A 72-YEAR-OLD WOMAN GIVING

BIRTH TO A BABY BOY.

NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES

A KID GAY, BUT I WOULD HAVE

TO THINK THAT SUCKING ON A

72-YEAR-OLD TITTY WOULD HAVE

TO BE A FACTOR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE CAN HAVE THE NATURE VERSUS

NURTURE ARGUMENT LATER IF YOU

WANT, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT

IT'S AT LEAST PLAUSIBLE THAT

IF YOUR INTRODUCTION TO

WOMANHOOD IS A CRINKLED-UP

72-YEAR-OLD [BLEEP], THERE'S A

GOOD CHANCE YOU'LL BE SITTING

ON A [BLEEP] AT SOME POINT IN

YOUR FUTURE.

LET'S BE HONEST.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M NOT JUDGING.

I'M SAYING IT'S POSSIBLE.

THEN, OF COURSE, YOU HAVE THE

YOU HAVE THE JAPANESE.

THEY'RE CLONING.

JAPANESE SCIENTISTS, THEY JUST

FOUND A 20,000-YEAR-OLD MAMMOTH

IN THE ICE IN SIBERIA AND

THEY'RE ABOUT TO CLONE IT.

THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE THERE'S

NOTHING THE WORLD NEEDS MORE

RIGHT NOW THAN A GIANT, HAIRY

ELEPHANT.

I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT.

AND FIRST OF ALL, YOU'D THINK

THE JAPANESE OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD

WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH

PREHISTORIC ANIMALS AFTER

WHAT HAPPENED WITH GODZILLA,

YOU KNOW WHAT I