I blame Hollywood for ruiningevery relationship
that I've ever been in.
What you don't realizeis how negatively
they affectyour relationships.
Everyone's awareof the liberal media bias
in the news,but what about the way
they portray couplesin every sitcom,
where there's a dumb husbandchasing his wife around
the whole episode like,"I want to have sex,"
and she's never in the mood?
They just hammerthat stereotype home
that men alwayswant to have sex
and women never do.
Let's get thisout of the way right now.
Women want to have sexway more often than men.
[cheers and applause]
I assure you, ladies,this is not the perspective
you're going to enjoy.
I don't know if you're newto my comedy or not.
I havea very gender-specific slant
that I ride pretty hard.
Because the reality is,
whether you wantto admit it or not,
no man's everloved you more
or been more physicallyattracted to you
than he was the first timehe had sex with you.
And from that moment,it goes down.
Okay, now, don't look at himright now
and make the eveninguncomfortable.
"Is that true?"
And then he has to be like...
"No.I'm pretty sure he's queer.
I don't carewhat he says."
It's true100% of the time.
How fast it divesis case by case.
It doesn't have to falloff a cliff immediately.
We've all been therewhen it does.
Can you be happily marriedfor 50 years?
Of course you can,but know that for him,
every time you have sex,it's going down a notch.
Men die ten years earlier
because we [bleep] want to.
Don't make himfeel inadequate.
Don't challenge his drive.
"I'm with the only guyin the world
that doesn't wantto have sex all the time."
Uh, no, you're not.
When I'm in a relationship,
I can go two to three weekswithout thinking about sex.
When I'm single,I need to masturbate
twice a daybefore I step outside,
or I willsexually assault someone.