Steve McGrew - Tequila

  • Season 9 , Ep 1
  • 09/24/2004
  • Views: 15,940

Everyone has a tequila story. (3:33)

DRUNK RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S WHAT'LL GET YOU DRUNK

IN THE BAR.

YEAH, THAT'S WHY I THINK THE

WORLD'S DIVIDED UP INTO.

IT'S NOT A MAN-WOMEN THING OR

A BLACK-WHITE THING.

IT'S A TEQUILA THING.

I THINK THERE'S PEOPLE WHO CAN

DRINK TEQUILA AND THERE'S

PEOPLE WHO CAN NEVER HEAR THAT

WORD AGAIN.

"WANT TO DO A SHOT WITH US?"

[GAGGING UH-UH!]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YOU WANT TO SMELL IT?"

"HEY, [RETCHING COUGHING]"

AND EVERYBODY'S GOT A TEQUILA

STORY.

TEQUILA, "HOLY [BLEEP]

ONE TIME..."

[LAUGHTER]

TEQUILA WILL MAKE YOU ILL.

THAT'LL MAKE YOU SICK IN THE

BAR.

THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE

GONNA HAVE A ROUGH NIGHT,

WHEN YOU'RE STILL IN THE BAR

WHEN THAT QUEASY FEELING HITS

YOU.

YOU STILL GOT A DRINK IN YOUR

HAND, "WHOOOO...

[LAUGHTER]

WA WOO, AH, WO.

[BELCHES] AH, MAN WE BETTER GO."

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO

THROW UP, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW

WHEN.

YOU GO HOME LAY DOWN AND PRAY

FOR DAYLIGHT.

STOMACH MESSES WITH YOU ALL

NIGHT.

[STOMACH GROWLING NOISES]

"NO, NOT YET."

[SMACKING NOISES]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[BELCHES]

AH!

CHILI FRIES!

[LAUGHTER]

TELL YOU WHAT TOO, IT DOESN'T

MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE, THE

MINUTE YOU START THROWING UP

THE FIRST THING THAT POPS INTO

YOUR HEAD, "MOMMY!"

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WHY?

THAT'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO'LL

COME IN AND WATCH YOU PUKE!

SPOUSES AND FRIENDS, WE LOVE

YA, BUT NOT THAT MUCH.

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL CHECK ON YA.

"YOU SICK IN THERE?

[PUKING NOISE]

"OKAY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[PUKING CONTINUES]

"STOP MAKING THAT NOISE."

[PUKING]

"I'LL BE IN THE YARD."

[LAUGHTER]

[PUKE]

"I'LL BE AT MY MOM'S."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[SNAPPING NOISE]

"THERE'S A RUBBER BAND FOR

YOUR HAIR BABY."

[LAUGHTER]

I CAN'T TAKE THAT NOISE.

IT'S THE NOISE THAT GETS YA.

IT'S NOT THE PUKE IT'S THE

NOISE.

[PUKING NOISE]

IT'S ALWAYS FOLLOWED BY THAT

DEATH MOAN TOO, ISN'T IT?

[PUKING AND MOANING NOISES]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I YUCK, I MADE MYSELF GAG.

WELL, YOU HAVE TO EAT AFTER

DRINKING, THAT'S A LAW.

EVERY PROFESSIONAL KNOWS,

YOU LEAVE A BAR [BELCHES]

"OH, I GOT TO GET SOMETHING

ON THAT."

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE TACO BELL.

I LOVE TACO BELL.

MY EX-WIFE USED TO ALWAYS PUT

IT, WE PULL AWAY FROM THE

WINDOW, "CHECK THE BAG, SEE IF

THAT'S WHAT WE ORDERED?"

"YES, IT SAYS TACO BELL ON THE

BAG."

[LAUGHTER]

DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU GET,

IT'S ALL GOOD.

IT MIGHT NOT BE ASSEMBLED

THE WAY YOU WANTED IT TO BE.

THEY ONLY USE FOUR PRODUCTS,

CHEESE, LETTUCE, MEAT AND CORN

PRODUCT, WHETHER IT'S A CHIP,

FOLDED, FLOPPY OR WHATEVER.

GET HOME, "THAT'S A TOSTADA,

I WANTED A TACO!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"THERE YOU GO, NOW SHUT UP."

[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

UH YEAH, NOW SHE'S MY EX-WIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

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