Tammy Pescatelli - Double Zero's

  • Season 10, Ep 10
  • 03/23/2006
  • Views: 9,881

Shopping at Baby Gap in your 20s is not natural. (2:35)

BECAUSE LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER'S A ROLE MODEL TO ME.

A LOTTA THESE YOUNG GIRLS, THEY DON'T HAVE ROLE MODELS.

ROSEANNE AND PAULA POUNDSTONE,

THEY REALLY WERE ROLE MODELS TO ME.

WHO ARE THE ROLE MODELS FOR THESE YOUNG GIRLS NOW? WHO?

ANNA NICOLE? LOOK AT YOU. ANNA NICOLE-- SOMEBODY GO,

"DON'T PICK ON ANNA. SHE'S DUMB."

NOPE. SHE CHOSE TO BE DUMB, OKAY,

'CAUSE THE LIBRARY WAS OPEN FOR EVERYBODY, ARIGHT.

IT'S JUST MY OPINION. I DIDN'T HAVE A SPECIAL PASS

TO GET IN AND LEARN SOMETHING, A SECRET DECODER RING.

I FEEL BAD FOR HER, THOUGH.BECAUSE WHEN ANNA GAINED WEIGHT,

HOLLYWOOD MADE HER FEELSO BADLY ABOUT HERSELF.

'CAUSE IF YOU WATCHED WOMEN ON TV NOWADAYS,

THEY'RE ALL SO TINY, THEY'RE LIKE SIZE DOUBLE-ZERO.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

BUT THEY'RE MEAN 'CAUSE THEY'RE HUNGRY. OKAY? IT'S AWFUL.

IT'S NOT NATURAL TO BE 28 YEARS OLD,

SHOPPING AT BABY GAP. OKAY?

THEY'RE MEAN.I'M TELLING YOU,

BECAUSE LITERALLY I WAS DOING A SHOW IN L.A.

AND AFTER THE SHOW,THIS GIRL CAME UP TO ME,

DOUBLE-ZERO GIRL, WANTED TO PHYSICALLY FIGHT ME.

NOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE WAS MAD ABOUT, OKAY.

PROBABLY SOMETHING I SAID ABOUT WHORES, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M JUST-- YOU CANMAKE YOUR OWN DECISION.

BUT SHE WANTEDTO PHYSICALLY FIGHT ME.

AND I GO, "OKAY. WE'RE NOT DOING THIS.

"FIRST OF ALL-- TWO REASONS. NUMBER ONE, THERE'S NO CLASS

OR DIGNITY IN THAT, AND I'M NOT DOING IT."

I GO, "NUMBER TWO, YOU'RE A DOUBLE-ZERO

"AND I'M A GIRL FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

"IF I SWING AT YOU AND MISS,YOU'LL DIE OF PNEUMONIA, OKAY?"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

JEEZ. AND PEOPLE ARE CRAZY THOUGH NOWADAYS, YOU KNOW.

AND REALLY, I WISH SOMEONE WOULD TELL--

I HAD BROTHERS TO TELL ME.NO ONE TELLS THESE YOUNG GIRLS.

AND THEY WATCH MTV. AND THEN THEY LEAVE THE HOUSE

IN THE OUTFITS THEY SEE THE WOMEN WEAR IN THE VIDEOS,

TWO POTATO CHIPSAND A BAND-AIDE. RIGHT?

AND THEY THINK THAT THEY'RE SEXY

JUST 'CAUSE A MAN WANTS TO SLEEP WITH THEM.

NO. JUST 'CAUSE A MANWANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU

DOES NOT MEAN YOU'RE SEXY;

'CAUSE MY BROTHERS WILL HUMP A COUCH

IF THE CUSHIONS ARE FLUFFY ENOUGH, OKAY? ARIGHT?

[LAUGHTER, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

THAT'S JUST A BIOLOGICAL FUNCTION.

THERE'S NOT A KNOT-HOLEIN A TREE IN AMERICA

THAT HASN'T HAD A LITTLE PEE-PEE SHOVED IN IT AT ONE POINT.

THAT'S WHY THEYCALL IT A WOODY, ARIGHT?I SWEAR TO GOD.

I LISTEN AT THE DOOR WHEN THEY HAVE THE MEETINGS.

SOME HERE-- "OH, SHE SAID--"

LISTEN, TRUST ME.THAT'S NOT A DIRTY JOKE.

THAT'S A MESSAGE FROM THE SAVE A HO PROJECT.

[LAUGHTER]

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