The Cheesecake Factory Feud - Time for a Truce?

Tuesday, February 14, 2017 02/14/2017 Views: 851

Chris proposes a conditional cease-fire with the Cheesecake Factory, and Mary Lynn Rajskub, "Weird Al" Yankovic and Al Jackson offer a list of terms for the treaty agreement. (2:54)

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So it's day two of our feud

with the Cheesedick Factory.

All right, yeah,I'm not done.

Yesterday, we called them out

(laughing): literally thousandsof people tweeted,

"Hey @Cheesecake,I just burned my genitals

"on your loadedbaked potato tots.

How about an RT?"

People who were following meon Twitter

that were not watching the show

were very confused by whyI would tweet that.

But after 13 hours theyresponded with "Points!"

All right? So I'm glad wefinally have your attention,

Cheesecake Factory, but I wantto make something very clear.

I give the points,you don't give the points.

You give our dickssecond degree burns

with your generous portionsof mouthwatering appetizers

at pricesthat don't break the bank.


Let's get into our demands.

We would like you to sendyour CEO,

Professor McCheesecake here,

who clearly just got donescolding his son Pinocchio.

He needs to come to our showThursday night,

with enough cheesecake foreveryone in our studio audience.

So if you do...

I'm not done being fake mad.

If you do everything we ask,we will sign a cease-fire

and promise to never make fun ofCheesecake Factory again.

And just in case you don't thinkwe're serious...

Boys, show 'em.

HARDWICK:Yeah, yeah.

-No, no.-(cheering and applause)

I'm not messing around.

I'm just saying,

sure would be a shameif something was to happen

to any moreof your delicious cheesecakes.

That's all I'm saying.

Yes, Al.

Chris, if you've got morecheesecake,

why don't you give it to theaudience instead of smashing it?

HARDWICK:It's not about that, Al.

No. It's not about that.

I'll give you 100 points,but it's not about that.

So this can all go awayif you just show up here

with cheesecake on Thursday andthen everything will be fine.

So, comedians, let's assumecheesecake is a factory

of its word and help us come upwith some terms

for theCheesecake Factory-@midnight

cease-fire treaty agreement.

Mary Lynn, let's start with you.

(clears throat)We here on @midnight

heretofore agreeto never make jokes such as,

your avocado egg rollscause diarrhea and Zika.

We will direct all similarcommentary to Kellyanne Conway.

HARDWICK:All right.

All right, I'll give you200 points for that.

Weird Al.

Both parties must make sweetlove in a bath of ranch dressing

under the watchful eyeof Guy Fieri.

HARDWICK:All right.

I'll give you, uh...

-1,000 points for that, Al.-This is how it is.

From now on, The CheesecakeFactory has to put one thing

on the menu that doesn't haveenough calories

to be considered a hate crime.