Cristela Alonzo - Whitening Strips & Cool Nicknames

Cristela Alonzo Season 2, Ep 12 06/07/2013 Views: 22,311

Cristela Alonzo laments her ineffective white strips and describes the difference between male and female nicknames. (1:47)

So guys, get this.

A couple weeks ago, I startedusing whitening strips.

And I asked my boyfriendif they were working,

and he looked at me and he said,"Nah, you still look Mexican."

I was like...

"All right. Got it."

You notice that they're...they're putting

security alarmson the whitening strips

so that peopledon't steal them now?

Like, people are stealingwhitening strips.

That's got to be a high-crime,

beautiful-smile neighborhood,you know?

Like, why would you wantto do that?

Why would you wantto make yourself stand out

in the police lineup,you know?

"Do you see the guythat mugged you?"


"The guy with thegorgeous smile, number three,"

you know?

My name's Cristela.

You guys can call me Cris.That's my nickname.

Nicknames are cool.

It's like your friendsare saying,

"Hey, you have a crappy name.

Don't worry.We'll fix it for you."

Girls are very cute at givingeach other nicknames.

They're very adorable,you know?

It's, like, "Hi. I'm Michelle."

"No, you're not. You're Mickey."(chuckles)

Guys are total dickswith each other, though.

You guys will give each othernicknames to things that suck

about that guy, you know?

"Hey, my name's Michael."

"What's up, Sweat Stains? Aah!

"Come on, hang outwith me and my buddies,

"Diabetes and Long Balls.

What's up, man?"

I like having a namelike Cristela, though,

'cause you always knowwhen you're talking about me

'cause it's different,you know?

I feel bad for people that have

really common nameslike "Jennifer."

Jennifer is a great name,

but I know, like, 12 of them,you know?

When you have a namelike Jennifer,

you got to take careof yourself.

'Cause people are gonna startusing words to describe you.

You want the good wordslike "pretty, funny, smart."

You don't want the bad wordslike, "Hey, you know Jennifer?"

"Which one?"

"Mustache Jennifer.

She's Fat Tina's little sister."

Like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're good people,good people."