Marc Maron - The Future Is Chinese

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 01/29/2010
  • Views: 11,590

It's always good to use the condescending "you people" when trying to reach out to another ethnic group. (2:41)

SO LETS BE HONEST:THE FUTURE IS CHINESE

AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT.AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE KNOW THAT.(scattered cheering)

THAT'S A WEIRD THINGTO APPLAUSE IF YOU'RE--

(laughter)

IS THAT THE CHINESE PERSON?OH, OKAY.

(laughter and applause)

SEE, LIKE, SOME OF YOUSTILL THINK, LIKE,

"I DON'T KNOW WHEREHE'S GOING WITH THIS.

THERE'S NO MORAL BAROMETERRIGHT NOW."

THE FUTURE'S CHINESEAND LOOK, HONESTLY,

I'VE BECOME FASCINATEDWITH CHINESE PEOPLE.

THEY'VE BEEN HERE LONGERTHAN MOST OTHER ETHNIC GROUPS.

THEY'VE BEENA CIVILIZATION LONGER

THAN MOST CIVILIZATIONSON EARTH,

AND I DON'T KNOW ANYTHINGABOUT THEM.

DO YOU?

I MEAN, WHAT DO WE KNOW?WE EAT THEIR FOOD.

WE LEAVE UNCOMFORTABLYTHINKING THEY'RE MAD AT US.

BUT, I MEAN,ASIDE FROM THAT...(laughter)

I MEAN,I JUST DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIMEYOU SAT DOWN WITH A CHINESE GUY

AND JUST SAID, "DUDE, WHATIS GOING ON WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

AND IT'S ALWAYS GOOD

WHEN YOU USE THE CONDESCENDING"YOU PEOPLE"

WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO REACH OUTTO ANOTHER ETHNIC GROUP.

I'M LITERALLY FASCINATED,THOUGH.

I'LL GO TO CHINATOWN SOMETIMESIN MANHATTAN

JUST TO WALK THROUGH CHINESESUPERMARKETS

AND LOOK IN BINS AND BOXESOF THINGS, GOING,

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

WHAT IS THAT?IS THAT A CLAM?

IS THAT A SNAIL?IT IS A DRIED FISH?

ARE WE EATING THAT?IS THAT A BUG?

OH, MY GOD.LOOK AT THESE ROOTS.

IT LOOKS LIKE A BUCKETOF E.T. HEADS.

THEY MUST FLY THAT IN.

OH, MAN, BOX OF MOSS.JUST MOSS.

(laughter and applause)

HOW MANY TIMES DO CHINESEGROCERS HAVE TO SEE

WHITE PEOPLE HOLDING STUFF UPGOING,

"(laughing) DUDE!

"OH, MAN! EAT IT, COME ON.IT'S FOOD. EAT IT.

YOU'RE HIGH, EAT IT."

BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT FOOD.IT'S ABOUT THE FUTURE.

NOW OBVIOUSLY, THE FUTUREIS CHINESE ECONOMICALLY.

I THINK SOME OF YOUKNOW THAT.

MOST OF OUR NATURAL DEBTIS TO CHINA.

THEY OWN THIS COUNTRYON PAPER.

THEORETICALLY, THEY COULDJUST CLOSE US DOWN.

I BELIEVE THATWE ARE ALL REALLY

JUST OUTSOURCEDCHINESE LABOR,

AND OUR JOB IS TO EATAND BUY THINGS AT A LOWER PRICE

BUT RATIONALIZING IT,BECAUSE, LET'S BE HONEST,

THIS IS A CONSUMER-BASEDECONOMY IN AMERICA.

THAT'S ALL WE MANUFACTURE HEREIS NEED AND APPETITE.

(laughter)

WE ARE THE WORLD'S MOUTH.

THEY MAKE THINGS IN OTHERCOUNTRIES AND THEY'RE LIKE,

"SEND IT TO AMERICA.THEY'LL EAT IT."

(laughter)

(applause)

THEY'RE ACTUALLY THINKINGABOUT CHANGING THE SLOGAN

OF THE UNITED STATES

FROM "AMERICA, LAND OFOF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE."

TO "AMERICA,ALL YOU CAN EAT."

STEP UP TO THE BUFFET,

GET SOME FOOD BETWEENYOU AND YOUR FEELINGS

BEFORE THEY LEAD TO QUESTIONS.

(laughter)

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