I spend a lot of my timeon social media.
You ever go on social mediaand see your friends
doing something without you?
[audience murmursand laughs]
Oh, the rest of y'alljust popular?
You got to likeall those pics.
You got to let them knowthey left you out.
They post pictures of food;
you got to write stuffin the comments like,
"Mmm, that looks so tasty.
"I could just taste thatfrom here.
The other day,I was on the internet.
I see that my friend wasat my other friend's wedding.
That's how I found outwe're not cool:
I wasn't invited to the wedding.
I always wantedto go to a wedding
where somebodysaid something
at the, "Speak nowor forever hold your peace."
Like, that's got to bethe greatest speech ever.
That speechhas to be convincing,
but at the same time,it can't sound too rehearsed,
'cause then it's just like,
"Why didn't youjust call her last week?
you've been sitting somewherepracticing this speech."
You got to make sureyou sit on the aisle,
because if it doesn'twork out for you,
you got to leave immediately.
You just tried to ruinthe wedding.
You know, it would be like,
"Speak nowor forever hold your peace."
Hey, babe, you know howwe be saying
"I love you" on the phoneand we be playing?
I don't be playing.
Uh, excuse me, bro, excuse me.Excuse me.
No, you heard the speech.I didn't kill it.
Excuse me, bro, excuse me.
No, watch out, little bro.Excuse me.
No, move your grandma.Move your other grandma.
Move these surfboards.