Dave Mordal - Workaholic

Season 1, Ep 0103 08/03/2006 Views: 7,033

Being a workaholic is really tough. (2:58)

"Did you mean 'sweet corn'?"


I meant "feet porn."

And, like, 4,000 Web sitesfor feet porn come up,

but they're stillquestioning me, you know?

Last week was my anniversary.

I'm a... Aw, it's not that biga deal, really. It's just...

Nah, I'm a recoveringworkaholic,

and it's now been seven years

since I've donea ( bleep ) thing.

Workaholism is such a toughaddiction to get over, you know?

It's just... oh.

I had to divorce my wifebecause she was an enabler.

She'd wake me up: "Aren't yougoing to work today?"

I'm an addict!

Leave me alone.

You got friends that still work

that feel guiltyabout their little pleasure,

so they're trying to get you,like, sneaky, to,

"Why can't youdo some volunteering?"

I have a problem, that's why!

Leave me alone.

I like sleeping.

I always looklike I just got up.

Is that going on right now?I've always got that look.

Which is nicebecause I don't ever have

to help anybody with anything'cause they...

"Hey, can you...?Did you just get up?"

I sleep a lot.That's my hobby, you know?

You collect coins or stamps?Fine.

I don't bust your ballsabout it.

I sleep.

That's... You know,I sleep during the day.

Which is such a weird thing,to be a day sleeper,

'cause you get that callat 3:00 in the afternoon,

and you think, "Ooh. Bad news."

Yeah, I sleep a lot.That's all there is to it.

People are always sayingstupid things to me like,

"I'll get enough sleepwhen I'm dead."

Yeah? What if you're wrong?

You don't know.

Nobody knows anythingabout death.

People talk about deathlike they know stuff,

and they just... they don'tknow anything, you know?

They really... I especially hate people

that havelife-after-death experiences

'cause they're just so full of it, you know?

"I had an accident,

and then I was headedtoward this bright white light."

You know the first thingan ambulance crew does

when they findan unconscious victim?

They shine somethingin your eye!

It's not the face of God.

It's Mag-Lite,for Christ's sakes!

They're alwayssaying stupid things

that they don't knowanything about, you know?

You can't take it with you.

What if you're ( bleep ) wrong?

What if I get where I'm going

and it's,"Dave, where's your ( bleep )?"

I didn't thinkwe could take it with us.

Is my ex-wife here?She's got a lot of my ( bleep ).