Lank & Earl - Gunpoint Comedy

Season 2, Ep 0210 05/24/1993 Views: 393

Bungee jumping jokes make Jim impatient. (4:25)

Thank you very much.

A right to be here tonightarea I've met they're entering

a minimum where we are the longand I heard a lot just please

down think are going to cometo a lot of this room we love

everyone here weespecially like you

said right welleveryone I could say

EARL: I'm never satisfieduntil I kill again.

LANK: I'd like to thank, uh--

[awkward silence]

BOTH: (SPEAKING OVER EACHOTHER) Thank you very much.

It's good to, good to be here--

-Horrible rash onmy left thigh--

-Two-Drink Minimum.

People, people say-- buggingthe hell out of me right now--

-Go to Two-Drink minimum,they've got a lot of, uh--

- --itching, burning, chafing--

- --a lot of the top--

- --scraping.


- --top, top--

- --scraping.

Keep up, OK?

- This woman didn'thear it, in the front.

-Take notes, burningand chafing, scraping.

-Hello, we're Lank and Earl.

I'm Barry, he's Jim.


-How are you?

-Usually we, uh, like toopen with a few impressions.

Impressions are kindof our strength.

We're known all over thecountry for our impressions,

aren't we, Jim?

-We're not gay.

-OK, but this-- um--

But tonight--

-If I were, it wouldn't be him.

-So tonight, uh--

-It'd be you.

-Yeah, well.


Yeah, it'd be him.

-But tonight, uh--

-Maybe not.

Maybe him.

I don't know.

-Well, eh.


But tonight, we wanted todo something really special,

something that wouldmake us stand out.

-Right, so we brought a gun.

-Yeah now--

What we've done iswe've loaded, uh,

1 live hollow-pointround in the chamber.

My partner is now goingto spin the chamber

and, uh, I'm goingto tell a joke

while he pointsthe gun at my face.

At the end of the joke, Jimwill slowly squeeze the trigger,

and if I'm lucky,we'll hear nothing

more than an audible click.

It's then my turn tohold the gun on Jim,

and we'll go back andforth in this manner

until we run out of time.


Hold it down til the end.

-Are you ready, Jim?

-Yes I am, Barry.

-OK, here we go.

Well, I've, uh--

I've been trying tomeet women, and, um--

Somebody told methe best way to meet

women is to dosomething you enjoy.

I mean, right away, youhave something in common.

And so I spent thelast, uh, year smoking

dope and watchingtelevision, and, uh--

And nobody-- nobody'scome into the apartment.

Hehe, that's pretty good.

[gun clicks]

-Well, uh, my dad'sa horrible racist.

When I say horrible, I meanhe's just not very good at it.

He used to scream things like,uh, "Damn Syro-Hittites!"

"Lousy stinking Etruscans!"

"If I trip over onemore terra cotta--!"

[gun clicks]


-Ahem, well.

Dating's weird, isn't it?

I mean, you know, women,they go in the bathroom,

they stay there, andwhat's this bungee jumping?

I mean, uh--

[gun clicks 3 times]

-Sometimes I get a littleimpatient, you know?

-Let's end withsomething up and happy.

Let's just do away with this.

Quick featurette we call"Rufus the Talking Dog."

This is Rufus, he is my dog.

Let's see if we can gethim to talk us, shall we?

Rufus, what is my name?



That's right, my name is Ralph.

What does sandpaper feel like?


-It feels veryrough, that's right.

What's at the top of a house?


A roof, that's right.

And, what's at thebottom of a house?


-A basement, that'sabsolutely-- -Thank you!

-Thank you!