Sabrina Matthews - Denny's

  • Season 4 , Ep 8
  • 01/21/2001
  • Views: 4,396

Denny's: a place to eat for the tired or wasted. (3:27)

BECAME AN ATTORNEY.

APPARENTLY WHEN YOU BECOME A

LAWYER YOU GAIN ACCESS TO EVERY

WORD THAT CAN BE USED IN

EVERYDAY ENGLISH BUT IS NOT.

(LAUGHTER)

EVERY TIME I TALK TO HER,

SHE EITHER TEACHES ME A NEW WORD

OR REMINDS ME OF ONE I HAVEN'T

NEEDED SINCE I TOOK THE SATs.

(LAUGHTER)

I WAS HEADED OVER TO HER

APARTMENT THE OTHER DAY.

SHE SAID, "HEY, DON'T FORGET.

I MOVED TO THE TOP FLOOR OF

MY BUILDING, BUT MY BUZZER IS AT

THE BOTTOM OF THE ROW,

WHICH IS COUNTERINTUITIVE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND IT IS COUNTERINTUITIVE,

BUT IT'S ALSO WEIRD OR

(BLEEP)-ED UP.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WE WERE DRIVING ALONG ONE TIME

AND I WAS DRIVING.

IT'S A GOOD THING I TOLD YOU

I WAS DRIVING, 'CAUSE YOU NEVER

WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT FROM

THIS HANDY MIME THAT I'M

EXECUTING.

WHY DO PEOPLE PRETEND TO DRIVE

LIKE THIS?

HOW WOULD YOU TURN?

I DON'T DRIVE LIKE THIS.

I DRIVE LIKE THIS.

ACTUALLY, I DRIVE LIKE THIS

BECAUSE I HAVE A BIG TRUCK.

SURPRISE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AND A BIG DOG AND A CAT.

AND THIS IS THE ONLY SHIRT I OWN

THAT'S NOT FLANNEL.

I AM THE MOST STEREOTYPICAL

LESBIAN YOU WILL EVER MEET.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

ALL THOSE OTHER WOMEN COPIED ME.

SO I'M DRIVING ALONG.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M DRIVING ALONG.

SHE SAYS TO ME, "WHEN I GO ON

ROAD TRIPS, I LIKE TO EAT ONLY

AT DENNY'S AND ANALOGUES OF

DENNY'S."

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, "ANALOGUE," IF YOU DON'T

KNOW, MEANS "THE SAME AS."

I HAD NO IDEA.

IN FACT, I AM SO UNUSED TO

HEARING THE WORD "ANALOGUE"

THAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID

"ANAGRAM."

AND I SPENT THE NEXT 15

MINUTES...

(LAUGHTER)

TRYING TO THINK OF THE NAME OF

THE RESTAURANT THAT HAD ALL THE

LETTERS OF DENNY'S IN IT...

(LAUGHTER)

ARRANGED DIFFERENTLY.

IT'S SORT OF CONFUSING TO ME AS

TO WHY SOMEONE SO CLEVER WOULD

WANT TO EAT AT A DENNY'S THAT

MUCH, ANYWAY.

DENNY'S EXISTS TO SERVE A VERY

REAL PURPOSE, THAT IS, TO FEED

THE COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED AND THE

TOTALLY WASTED AND NO ONE ELSE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ABSOLUTELY.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW THIS IS TRUE,

STOP BY A DENNY'S.

TAKE A LOOK AT THE MENU AND

THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU

CAN ORDER EVERY SINGLE ITEM

WITHOUT READING A SINGLE WORD;

ALL RIGHT?

YOU JUST POINT TO THE PHOTOGRAPH

OF THE FOOD YOU WANT.

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

"IT'S MY BIRTHDAY."

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