I'm 29, now.
Not for the sake of the joke.
I just actually am 29at this... this moment.
Which sucks. 29 sucks.
No one tells youit's gonna suck.
Like, people in their 30sand 40s complain.
And they should.
'Cause their livesare almost over, so...
So go ahead and die.
I need walking room.
Uh, no. You shouldn't.
You shouldn't applaud.
That's everyonein their 20s, like,
Eat a dick."
No, 29 sucks,because 29's the end of fun
without being judged for it.
At 29, you and your"fun friends"
stop partying and start...
That's what they call it.
Can't get drunk on a Mondaywithout raising some eyebrows.
It's just weird to me
that thingsthat in my early 20s
that used tomake me cool, now...
make people nervous.
I used to get drunkbefore class in college.
Everyone was like,"This guy is (bleep) awesome.
"He's hammeredbefore Intro to Roman Lit.
That's an 8:00 a.m. class."
Now, if I get drunk before work,everyone's like, "Hey.
"Are you cool?
You need to talk?"
"No. I'm still awesome."
"No. No, you're not.
"You're almost homeless.
That's what you are."
I think drinking gets...
I know drinking is...
If you do it too much,it is a bad thing.
But it, also, at the same time,is a good thing.
I thinkyou understand life better
if you get shit-facedall the time.
Everyone that clapped
will be in a program in here.
Finding God, getting chips."