welcome back, everybody.
-Welcome back. Welcome back.-(applause and cheering)
Uh... I hope you hada good Thanksgiving.
I know there was a lotof anxiety this year
about how dividedthe country is.
But for me,I knew we were going to be okay
the day after Thanksgiving
when I saw the whole countrycoming together as one.
-(laughter) -For the traditionalBlack Friday celebration.
-Look at the joy in their faces.-(laughter)
You know what? I bet this year,
people didn't even gofor the deals.
They just wantedto be in a space
where they could punch somebody.
-That's all they wanted.-(laughter)
Like, afterwards, everythingwas still there at Wal-Mart.
-People were like, "Whatdid they take?" -(laughter)
"The blood,that's what they took."
And the truth is, we might needto have Black Friday every week
because now that Donald Trumpis going to be president,
people really do want to fightabout everything, including
whether Donald Trump is actuallygoing to be president.
WOMAN: Green Party candidate Jill Stein is calling
for recounts in several states
that helped Donald Trump win The White House.
Her party has raised almost six million dollars,
and filed paperwork Friday for a recount in Wisconsin.
There were lots of hacks takingplace around this election.
The equipment that we use-- muchof it is not just open to hacks.
It basically invites hacks,and malfeasance,
tampering, human error.
Uh, yeah, we knowthere was human error
because now he's president.
(laughter,applause and cheering)
Oh, and by the way, by the way,
Jill Stein, why are you hidingout in a cabin in the woods?
You don't need to hide, Jill.
-No one's looking for you.-(laughter)
Although, although,they may be looking for you
after the peoplewho gave you six million dollars
read the fine printon your Web site and see
that it says,
"If we raise morethan what's needed,
the surplus will go towardelection integrity efforts."
Or to put that another way...
I make it rain. I make it rain.
I make it rain. I make it rain.I make it...
-I don't even knowwhat that was. -(laughter)
Now, now, few people think therecounts will change any results
because Hillary Clinton is morethan 10,000 votes behind
in all three of these states.
And normally, a third partyrequesting a recount
of a few stateswould not be a big story.
This shouldn't be a big story.
But then yesterday, Donald Trump made it a big story.
President-elect Donald Trumpriled up on Twitter
as election officialsin Wisconsin meet today...
MAN: Trump tweeted, "I won the popular vote
if you deduct the millionsof people who voted illegally."
Trump offered no prooffor that claim.
Offered no proof of that.
That's the news's way of saying"Bull (bleep)!"
-Bull (bleep). Bull (bleep).-(applause and cheering)
Count on Donald Trump to finda way to be a sore winner.
-I didn't even knowthat was a thing. -(laughter)
And you knowTrump only cares about this
because the popular votehas the word "popular" in it.
-That's the only reasonhe cares about this. -(laughter)
And nowinstead of letting it slide,
Trump has made a non-storyinto a real thing.
Trump's going,"We don't need a recount, folks.
"There are millionsof illegal votes!
Well, that settles it.I got that right."