Paul F. Tompkins - Your Pet's Alone Time

Pitta, Henton, Tompkins, Kuller, Stanhope Season 2, Ep 2001 09/05/1998 Views: 2,120

Maybe pets want some alone time every now and then. (2:46)

DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT ?

( applause and cheering )

AW...YOU'RE SWEET TO SAY.

PEOPLE GET SELF-CONSCIOUSABOUT THE WAY THEY LOOK.

BUT HERE'S THE THING TO DO,CHANGE THE PERSPECTIVE.

WHENEVER I FEEL BADABOUT THE WAY I LOOK,

I CONSIDER,THAT ON A DAILY BASIS,

ALL I EAT IS...FRIED MEAT...ABOUT HALF A CASE OF BEER,

AND A CARTONOF CIGARETTES.

SO THEN, I SHOULD LOOKA LOT WORSE.

WHO'S THE HANDSOME GUYIN THE SUIT ALL OF A SUDDEN ?

YEAH...I SHOULDN'T BE ALIVE.

EVERYBODY'S CONCERNEDWITH THEIR IMAGE.

I LIKE TO WALK AROUND HOLLYWOODON MELROSE AVENUE-STREET.

WHERE YOU HAVE ALLTHE "ALTERNATIVOS"WANDERING AROUND.

PEOPLE WALKING AROUND WITHTHEIR ALTERNATIVE PETSON THEIR BODY.

SEE A GUY CRUISING ALONG,HE'S GOT A CRAZY...IGUANA !

FURTHER ALONG YOU SEE SOMEONEWITH A "COO-C00 COCKATIEL" !

I THINK THESE PEOPLE WANTSOME KIND OF REACTION.

WHEN YOU SEE THEM,THEY WANT YOU TO DOSOMETHING LIKE,

"PARDON ME, SIR.

"IS THAT A BIRDON YOUR SHOULDER ?

"WELL, YOU MUST BEONE FASCINATING INDIVIDUAL.

"YOUR PERSONALITYIS NOT AT ALL MANUFACTURED.

"I SAY, WHAT IF WE WERE TOEXCHANGE ADDRESSES ANDBECAME PEN-PALS ?

"I COULD COLLECT YOUR LETTERSIN A BOUND VOLUME ENTITLED,

" 'MY CORRESPONDENCEWITH THE MOST INTERESTINGPERSON ALIVE'."

YEAH, I TOPPLETHE MIGHTY.

YOU CAN HAVE A--SKIP IT.

--WHATEVER PET YOU WANT,BECAUSE WE HAVE DOMINIONOVER THE BEASTS.

BUT HERE'S THE THING,

MAYBE EVEN ANIMALSNEED SOME "ALONE TIME".

MAYBE THEY DON'T WANT TOGO WITH YOU EVERYWHEREYOU GOTTA GO.

MAYBE THE BIRD WOULD LIKE TOLOOK IN THE MIRROR ANDPLAY WITH THE BELL.

MAYBE THE LIZARD WOULD LIKE TOSIT ON THE ROCK.

MAYBE THEY DON'T HAVE TO COMEON ALL YOUR JACK-ASS ERRANDS.

"COME ON CESAR,WE'RE GOING TO THE BANK

"SO EVERYBODY CAN SEEHOW CRAZY I AM, WOOO !"

LEAVE HIM ALONE...FOR A MINUTE.