Ali Siddiq - Prison Riot - Uncensored

Battle 01/29/2015 Views: 12,370

Ali Siddiq finds himself in a tough spot when he realizes that he's completely unprepared for an impending prison riot. (12:26)

No matter what, you stick withyour race. I don't know why Ican't

have a Mexican friend.. He's inmy cell, I don't know what the

fuck is going on, but Mexicansgot on boots and I gotta figure

out what I'm supposed to do now.

out what I'm supposed to do now.

Thank you, everybody.

On this show, here's whathappens, it's just a bunch of

comics telling true stories andthatís all it is. Tonight it's

all about fights. Please give itup for Ali Siddiq, everybody.

Let him hear it.

My story is about prison,danger.

Seen it all, looks so menacing,you know? And I'm black so we

know it's going to be aboutcrime. Let me tell you, prison

is an odd place because you donot know the rules. No matter

how many prison movies youwatched and documentaries of

Locked Up, you still don't knowthe rules of what's gonna

happen. So I'm on myway to what they called

"necessities". Necessities iswhere, you know, your clothes,

your get your laundry and allthat bullshit. So I'm walking to

Necessities and a dude justwalks by and say, "Mexicans got

on boots." I'm like, "What thefuck does that mean?" 'Cause

it's like I've been in prisonlike the first day, whatchu

mean, "Mexicans got on boots?"Everybody got on fucking boots,

so I thought. Dude walk past,"Mexicans got on boots, Mexicans

got on boots." So I tellsomebody else, "Mexicans got on

boots." Dude looks down,"Mexicans do got on boots" and

just takes off running.I'm like, "Was I supposed to run

'cause the Mexicans have onboots?" So I asked the old dude,

I said, "Hey, Mexicans got onboots." He's saying, "Alright,

they got on boots." I said,"What that mean?" He said, "it's

gonna be a riot." I said, "Youpretty calm about a riot." I

said, "How you know Mexicans goton boots mean it's gonna have a

riot." He said, "BecauseMexicans don't wear boots on the

wreck yard." I said, "Oh, okay,what they wear on the wreck

yard?" He said, "Sneakers, theyplay handball all the time." And

then you look and you seeMexicans over there playing

handball, but they got on boots.So I'm like, 'cause it

still don't comprehend. So getback to my cell I was like,

"Hey," to my celly, I said, "YouMexican. What Mexicans got on

boots mean?" He said, "It meanswe gonna riot, we gonna stab a

couple of black guys up."And I asked.. When

you're in prison, you askeddumbass questions, I'm like,

"Does the riot happen in here?Like in this cell? 'Cause me and

you just finished eatingtogether, what're you mad at me

about? I don't know. But whenyou learn that you stick with

your race in prison, no matterwhat, you stick with your race.

I don't know why I can't have aMexican friend.. He's in my

cell, I don't know what the fuckis going on, but Mexicans got on

boots and I gotta figure outwhat I'm supposed to do now.

And I still don't know,I gotta still ask people. Find a

black dude, I'm like, "Yo, sowhat I do now that Mexicans got

on boots?" He said, "You gottafind you a knife." I said, "I

gotta find a knife? You can'thave no knife in prison." He

said, "You just got here, huh?"I said, "Yeah, I just got here."

He said, "Man, you gonna need tofind a dude named Cece and get

you a knife." It's 3,000 peopleon this unit. How the fuck I'm

supposed to find Cece? I don'tknow. So I'm just

walking around, "Mexicans got onboots, Cece. Mexicans got on

boots, Cece." Dude say, "Hey,you looking for Cece?" I said,

"Yeah." "You must need a knife."I said, "Yeah." He said, "Why

you need a knife?" I said, "Youain't heard?" He said, "Nah, I

ain't heard shit I've been atwork all day." "Mexicans got on

boots." He take off running.I take off running

after him only because he nevertold me where Cece was. I catch

him, he said, "Man, go on thewreck yard, Cece gonna be on the

wreck yard." I'm like, "I don'twant to go on the wreck yard, I

just left the wreck yard, it'show I found out Mexicans had on

boots." So I'm sitting on thewreck yard looking around for

somebody who may look like adude named Cece. So I'm

asking, I'm looking, I'mwaiting, I'm saying, "Somebody

going to speak to Cece, got to."Dude walk by, "What up, Cece?" I

said, "Thatís who I'm lookingforward right there." I see

Cece, I nod, he nods back. Isay, "Can I come over there?" He

said, "Come on, young blood." Iget over there, I said, "Hey

Cece, Mexicans got on boots." Hesaid, "I heard." I say, "I need

a knife." He said, "Well, cometo my cell in a couple of

minutes, I'll hook you up."I get to the cell. I

say, "Cece I need a knife." Hesaid.. which shit turned

different. He said, "What typeof knife?" I don't know I just

fucking got here. He said, "Whattype of knife you looking for?"

I said, "Something sharp,something to poke a motherfucker

with. I don't know." So he putup a towel and said, "Hold on,

let me show you some knives."He put up a towel, went

under his mattress, took someshit out, slipped some shit

back, and now it's eight knivesin front of me. It's like I'm in

fucking Macy's. I'm like, "Yo."Like, "You know, what kind of

knife you want?" I said, "Well,you know, what kind of knife I

need for a riot? I ain't neverbeen in a riot before." He said,

"Well you gonna need somethingyou can stick multiple people

and it break off." I said, "Isthat right here on the thing?"

He said, "No, these are personalknives. Whatchu want your knife

made out of?" I said, "There'stoo many fucking choices, man. I

just need a knife to protectmyself." He said, "Well, god

damn it, listen to me, man. Doyou want it made out of wood,

plastic, metal, or what?" I say,"Cece, listen to me, I don't

know because I've never been ina riot before. What's going to

protect me?" He said,"Fuck! New ass motherfucker."

Like it's wrong to be justgetting to prison, I don't want

to be here from the beginning,so calling me "new" don't mean

shit to me. So I said, "So, man,what would you suggest?" He

said, "I suggest somethingpersonal, like a pin top." Pin

top? I don't want a fucking pintop knife. I want a real knife.

Something I can just get inthere with. He said, "No, what

you get with a pin top is aknife with a pin, but you push a

nail through it and then you putthe top on it and just have it

in your pocket so we could walkaround with it." I

said, "That sounds pretty cool.Would that sustain with a riot?"

He said, "No, that ain't riotknives, that's just personal

walk around." I said,"Motherfucker, I need a knife

for the riot 'cause Mexicans goton boots." I said, "Man, how

much is a personal knife goingto cost me?" "Two bags of

coffee, come back a little lateron in the day." I said, "What if

the riot jumps off before I getthe knife?" He said, "That ainít

my business, that's on you." Isaid, "Cool, Cece." So

I wait three or four hours and Iknew he was working on my knife

because I was down the cell andI heard [inaudible] on the

ground. I said, "Yeah my knifegonna be sharper than a

motherfucker." Cause I'm hearingit, I'm hearing it. I'm like,

"Yeah, I can't wait." And I'mpracticing in my cell how I'm

gonna use my knife.. practicingmy shit. So then this

dude named Mitch say, "Hey, yougetting your knife?" I say,

"Yeah, Cece working on myknife." He said, "What kind of

knife you get?" I said, "Whatthe fuck is all the knife

questions?" I said, "I got me anice, little knife, it's long. I

can hit two, three people." Hesaid, "Man, you need more than

that." I said, "What I neednow?" He said, "You need to know

about how to fight in the riot."I said, "How you fight in the

riot?" He said, "Mexicans got onboots, this is the reason why

they have on boots. So they cankick you in this fucking shin

while you're fighting. Boots aremade out of metal; it's a metal

tip boot. So you got to dothis.." This is Mitch

this is in my cell teaching mehow to be in a riot. "Look,

first of all, when you get outthere, stay close to the wall

'cause motherfuckers gonna betrying to stab you." I said,

"Thatís pretty much what a riotis." So he's like.. I got that

part off the top, that's why I'mgetting the knife. Okay. So he

say, "Youíre going to have to doa rock and lean." I said, "What

the fuck is a rock and lean?""Mexicans gonna come out there,

they're going to have theirknives, you're going to have to

have your shirt off with yourknife and when you do this

you're going to have to rock tosee what foot the Mexican is

gonna kick you with." I said,"This is too much, this is too

much." It's like a fuckedchoreographed dance; I don't

know what the fuck he's doing.So I'm waiting to get

my knife, I'm in there fakerocking, trying to see what foot

gonna come up. How they do thatwhen you ain't even in the

fucking riot yet, I don't know,but I'm out there practicing. I

go back to Cece, I say, "Yo,Cece, I gotta go to the wreck

yard, shit look like it's gonnaget live, I need my knife." He

said, "Man, I just sold yourknife." I said, "Man, what the

fuck, Cece? You said it was apersonal knife for me; it cost

two bags of coffee. Why it's notfucking personal no more?" He

said, "Man, it was personal.Then the dude came in with three

bags of coffee and he made itbusiness." I said, "So you sold

my knife?" He said, "Yeah, soldyour knife." I said,

"The riot about to jump off.""Hey, man, do what you can do."

So, moral of the story how itend up, I fucking get cut cause

I ain't had a fucking knife andI forgot the rock. I'm out there

rocking with no knife. I've beenpracticing this shit for two

hours. Rock. I'm not gettingkicked, but I'm getting cut. I

got cut down my side from aMexican who didn't even have on

boots.