Rory Albanese - European Trip

  • Season 14 , Ep 13
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 10,027

Rory Albanese and his friends didn't smoke weed for a week, so they had enough money to go to Europe. (1:54)

AFTER COLLEGE, SOME FRIENDS ANDI DECIDED, "LET'S GO TO EUROPE.

"YOU KNOW,LET'S DO THAT GENERIC THING

WHERE YOU SAVE UP SOME MONEYAND YOU GO TO EUROPE."

WE DID IT. WE BASICALLYDIDN'T SMOKE WEED FOR A WEEK.

WE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO GOTO EUROPE FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S AMAZING HOW THAT ADDS UP.

AND WE FIGURED, "LET'S --LET'S -- LET'S EASE INTO IT.

LET'S DIP OUR TOES INTOTHE EUROPEAN WATERS," YOU KNOW?

SO WE SAID, "LET'S GO TO LONDON,

"YOU KNOW, WHERE THEY SPEAK,LIKE, GAY ENGLISH.

WE CAN GET BY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TOSTART WITH A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.

LIKE, I'M NOT GONNA LEARN ONE.HELLO? [ LAUGHS ]

I'VE GOT OTHER STUFF TO DO.

AND SO, WE START IN LONDON.

THE FIRST THING WE DO, 'CAUSEWE'RE 22, IS WE GO TO A PUB.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

FIRST NIGHT -- BOOM --WE'RE DRINKING, HAVING A BLAST.

NOW, I DIDN'T KNOW THIS ABOUTLONDON UNTIL I GOT THERE,

BUT THEIR PUBS CLOSE AT 2:00IN THE MORNING, OKAY?

WHICH IS DISAPPOINTING,'CAUSE I'M FROM HERE, ALL RIGHT?

AND THEY ALSO DON'T WARN YOUABOUT LAST CALL,

WHICH IS DISAPPOINTING,'CAUSE THAT'S NOT COOL, OKAY?

THEY JUST FLICK THE LIGHTS ON.

SO I'M TALKING TO A GIRLFOR LIKE THREE HOURS.

ALL OF THE SUDDEN, IT'S LIKE...

SHE'S LIKE, "YOU'RE NOT BLACK,"AND SHE JUST RUNS AWAY.

"NO. NO! COME ON!

"JESUS!

"JESUS, BRITISH BASTARD,HOOK A GUY UP!

JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE NODOR SOMETHING."

SO THEN WE LEAVE, YOU KNOW?WE LEAVE.

THERE'S THREE THINGS THAT YOUWANT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK,

AND THE FIRST ONE RAN AWAYWHEN THE FLUORESCENTS CAME ON.

AND THEN THE SECOND ONE IS EAT.

NOW WE'RE WANDERINGAROUND LONDON,

YOU KNOW,A BUNCH OF DRUNK AMERICANS,

FIVE OF US LOOKING FOR FOOD.

NOTHING IS OPEN.

AND I'M GETTING MAD, 'CAUSE,YOU KNOW, WHY WOULDN'T I?

I MEAN, IT'S MY RIGHT.IT'S MY RIGHT.

AND I'M JUST GOING,"WHAT THE HELL, LONDON?

"GET SOME GREEK PEOPLE.OPEN A DINER.

OPEN A DINER!"

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

"I WANT A DINER!"

"I WANT SOME CHEESE FRIESAND GRAVY, GOD DAMN IT!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

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