Uncensored - Kumail Nanjiani - Brooklyn Is Unpredictably Scary

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 1 07/20/2013 Views: 41,419

Kumail Nanjiani saw something unexplainable and frightening when he first moved to Brooklyn. (2:07)

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I used to livein New York, in Brooklyn.

[scattered cheering]

Oh, really?

That was not my reaction.

I was fucking terrified.

Scariest placeI've ever been in,

and I grew upin fucking Pakistan.

[scattered cheers]

Really, "whoos" for Pakistan?

All right.

That's new.

Pakistan's in the house.

Usually we try and keepa low prof.


I'm a huge asshole.

But what the thingabout Brooklyn was--

'cause it wasn'tjust violent scary.

It was, like, weird sc--

Like, unpredictable scary.

Like, the week I moved there,I swear,

I left my house,there was a guy on my street

in front of--just a guy on my street

catching pigeonswith his bare hands

and stuffing theminto his pockets.

Like some sortof horrible reverse magician.

And I was the only onestaring at him.

Rest of Brooklynis just walking by,

like, "Mm, there'sold Pigeon Pockets,

doing what he do."

"That's his jam."

You guys know that thingwhere they try and sneak in,

like, creepy stuff,dark stuff into kids' movies?

You knowwhat I'm talking about?

Like, they try and, like,sneak in grown-up stuff.

Like in Lion King, they say in the sandstorm,

you can read the word "sex."

- Yeah.- Yeah?

Or, like, in Wizard of Oz,

they say in the corner,you can see somebody hanging.

- Yeah.

- I wish sometimes it wouldhappen the other way around.

You know, like,it would be like,

"Did you guys seethat movie Hostel?

"You know that scene where theycut the guy's Achilles tendon,

"and he's bleeding everywhere,and he can't walk?

"In the corner,you can see

"a kid tasting cotton candyfor the first time.

"It is so beautiful,you guys.