Kevin Hart - Dad's Temper

Kevin Hart: Laugh at My Pain Season 1, Ep 101 08/17/2011 Views: 285,334

Although they both have bad tempers, Kevin Hart isn't spiteful like his father. (2:57)

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I TALK ABOUT MY DAD

A LOT, BUT UNDERSTANDSOMETHING, PEOPLE.

I LOVE MY DAD TO DEATH.

I WOULDN'T BE THE MAN I AM TODAYIF IT WASN'T FOR MY DAD.

TO BE HONEST WITH Y'ALL,I'M JUST LIKE MY DAD.

I JUST DON'T DO DRUGS.

I GOT MY DAD'S TEMPER.

I KNOW I DO.

THAT'S WHY I'M GOING THROUGHA DIVORCE NOW, YOU KNOW?

WHEN I GET MAD,I DON'T ARGUE NO MORE.

I [bleep] LEAVE.

THAT'S HOW I HANDLE [bleep].

NOW, I'M NOT SPITEFULLIKE MY DAD.

MY DAD IS VERY SPITEFUL.

LIKE, MY DAD GETS MAD.

LIKE, I REMEMBER HIM AND MY MOMWOULD ARGUE, RIGHT?

NO MATTER WHAT HE BOUGHTIN THE HOUSE, HE WOULD TAKE

WITH HIM WHEN HE LEFT.

I DON'T GIVE A [bleep]WHAT IT WAS.

LIKE, IF YOU WERE COOKINGA STEAK IN THE PAN

AND MY DAD BOUGHT IT,WHEN HE LEFT, "BITCH, GET THE

GODDAMN STEAK OUT THE PAN."

"WHAT WE GONNA EAT?""BITCH, PUT THE STEAK

IN MY HAND!

I'M READY TO GO."

SHE WOULD PUT A HOT STEAKIN HIS HAND.

"[bleep], BITCH, PUT ITIN A BAG!"

[bleep] CRAZY.

I REMEMBER MY DAD TOOK ALLTHE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS OFF THE

CHRISTMAS TREE ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW--LISTEN.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MAD YOU GOT TOBE TO TAKE THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

OFF THE GODDAMN CHRISTMAS TREE?

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKETO TAKE THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

OFF THE [bleep] CHRISTMAS TREEAND TO KEEP A ATTITUDE

THAT WHOLE TIME?

"YUP, Y'ALL DONE [bleep] UPTODAY.

TOO LATE.

TOO LATE.

IT'S GONNA BE A DARK CHRISTMASIN THIS BITCH.

I BET YOU THAT.

AIN'T NOBODY GONNA SEE [bleep]IN THIS HOUSE.

HOW MANY SETS OF LIGHTS I PUT ONTHIS GODDAMN CHRISTMAS TREE?"

MY DAD WAS [bleep] CRAZY.

NOW, I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO Y'ALL.

WHEN I LEFT, I DID TAKESOME STUFF.

SEE, BUT I TOOK STUFF THATSHE DIDN'T REALIZE WAS

IMPORTANT UNTIL IT WAS GONE.

LIKE, WHEN I LEFT, I TOOK ALLTHE BACKS TO HEAR EARRINGS.

UH...

YEAH, YEAH.

"I DON'T WANT THE EARRINGS.

I JUST WANT THE BACKS.

YOU CAN PUT 'EM ON,BUT YOU'RE GONNA [bleep]

LOSE 'EM, 'CAUSE I GOTTHE BACKS.

I SUGGEST YOU GO BUY A PACKOF PENCILS AND GET IT POPPIN'

WITH THOSE ERASERS, BITCH.

I GOT THE GODDAMN BACKS, OKAY?"THAT'S THE THING, FELLAS.

YOU GOT TO HIT 'EM LOW.

GOT TO TAKE STUFF THAT THEYDON'T REALIZE IS IMPORTANT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ELSE I TOOK.

I TOOK THE HEADBOARDTO THE BED.

NOW, I KNOW WHEN I SAY THAT,A LOT OF Y'ALL ARE LIKE,

"KEVIN, WHY WOULD YOU TAKETHE HEADBOARD TO THE BED?"

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

THE HEADBOARD TO THE BEDIS VERY IMPORTANT TO A MAN.

THAT'S WHAT MOTIVATES USDURING SEX.

LADIES, IT'S NOT YOU.

IT'S NOT THE NOISESTHAT YOU MAKE.

IT'S THE [bleep] HEADBOARD.

THIS SOUND, RIGHT HERE.

[light whacking][steady tapping]

[rapid tapping]THAT'S MOTIVATION.

THAT'S THE MOTIVATION.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,NEXT TIME YOU'RE HAVING SEX

WITH YOUR MAN, IF YOU HEARTHE HEADBOARD, LOOK AT YOUR

MAN'S FACE.

I BET YOU ANY AMOUNT OF MONEYHIS FACE MATCHES THE SOUND

OF THE [bleep] HEADBOARD.

BET MONEY.

[steady tapping][rapid tapping]

IT ALL GOES TOGETHER.

THAT'S WHAT WE DO.