Harland Williams - More Government Secrets

Pulp Comics: Harland Williams Season 1, Ep 0107 04/21/1998 Views: 3,033

Wrinkle cream doesn't work. (1:29)

The government doesn't want you

to know this, but wrinkle cream

doesn't work.

Take it from me.

I've been using it

for three years.

My balls still look

like raisins.

[cheers and applause]

Great, big, hairy raisins,

the kind you find at the bottom

of the sea.

Come on, now, won't you, now,

hey?

Ikea is a Swedish word meaning,

"The odds of you putting this

crappy piece of furniture

together the first time

is 101 million."

Come on, now, hey, furniture

lovers, hey?

[cheers and applause]

Count Chocula is the only

vampire in the world to have

buck teeth.

The government doesn't want you

to know, but that's why he

created his own cereal.

It's the only thing he can

digest.

Come on, come on, come on, now,

Booberry and Frankenberry, hey.

The government doesn't want you

to know this, but the hair clog

in Kenny G.'s shower is 17 feet

long.

The government doesn't want you

to know this stuff.

Come on, folks.

They're keeping secrets.

They don't want you to know.