THANKSGIVING USED TO BETHANKSGIVING AND IT WAS IT'S OWN

HOLIDAY.

NOT "CHRISTMAS PART ONE."

(LAUGHTER)WHEN I WAS A KID, YOU ATE

AND YOU DRANK AND YOU PASSED OUTAND NOBODY WOKE YOU UP AND SAID

"LET'S GO SHOPPING!"BUT CHRISTMAS HAS GOTTEN OUT OF

CONTROL.

BUT WHEN I WAS A KID I WANTED TOCELEBRATE IT BUT I COULDN'T...

BECAUSE I'M JEWISH.

BUT WHEN YOU COMPARE CHRISTMASTO CHANUKAH THERE'S NO

COMPARISON.

CHRISTMAS IS GREAT...

CHANUKAH SUCKS!

(LAUGHTER)HOW DO WE CELEBRATE CHANUKAH?

WE CELEBRATE IT WITH CANDLES,LITTLE TINY PISS ANT CANDLES.

YOU CHRISTIANS ON CHRISTMAS,SANTA COMES AND HE BRINGS A TON

OF STUFF, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

IT'S EXTRAORDINARY.

I GO NEXT DOOR TO SEEMY BEST CHRISTIAN PALS,

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

AND THE WHOLE HOUSE IS FILLEDWITH BOXES, IT'S LIKE A

WAREHOUSE.

AND OUT BACK THERE'S SIX PONIES.

SIX!

"WE WERE GONNA BUY PRINCESS ONEBUT WE LOVED ALL OF THEM.

HA-HA, MERRY CHRISTMAS!"(LAUGHTER)

PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CHANUKAHIS CELEBRATED FOR EIGHT DAYS.

AND THAT'S A LIAR, LIAR PANTSON FIRE SITUATION.

MOST JEWISH FAMILIES DON'T MAKEIT PAST THE FOURTH DAY.

IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

"COME ON, HARVEY, AREN'T WEGONNA LIGHT THE LIGHTS?"

"EH, NO, ENOUGH'S ENOUGH."

(LAUGHTER)FIRST NIGHT YOU GET SOCKS,

SECOND NIGHT AN ERASER,A NOTEBOOK...

IT'S A BACK TO SCHOOL HOLIDAY!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)