I want to tell you right now!
I don't like city slickers,not one bit!
And I'm hoping it will notnegatively impact your enjoymentof my appearance...
knowing how very muchI hate you.
Yep, it's me, Dalton Wilcox...
Poet Laureate of the West!
In addition to being oneof our nation's foremostcowboy poets...
I am also very unfortunatelyplagued by vampires.
And also mummies...
and ghosts, and sometimescreatures from the Black Lagoon.
I am hyper vigilantabout monsters.
Now I'd like to read you oneof my works of cowboy poetry.
This poem is calledI One Time Killeda Frankenstein.
I one time killeda Frankenstein...
whilst shopping in a store.
He lurched toward me,arms outstretched...
as I ambled toward the door.
In my hands, a new bandana,a hat ten gallons deep.
In my body was a soul,which my body aimed to keep.
His voice was ghastlyas he spoke in halting,monster speech.
As I tried with all my mightto stay out of his reach.
He said, "You gotta payfor that."
And filled my heart with dread.
And then I drew my six-gunand I shot the monster dead.
The news reports describedthe monster simply as a man.
To keep from terrifying folksas only a Frankenstein can.