Andy Kindler - The Right Religion

Jimmie Walker & Andy Kindler Season 1, Ep 0141 02/24/1992 Views: 2,856

Everyone claims that their religion is right. (1:48)

"YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN JESUS,YOU'RE GOING TO HELL."

IF I DON'T BELIEVE IN JESUS,MAYBE I DON'T BELIEVE IN HELL.

IF YOU'RE SO EXCITED ABOUT IT,YOU GO TO HELL.

IT'S YOUR CONCEPT,YOU INVENTED IT.

( cheering )

I'LL STICK WITH GUILT, OKAY?

JEWISH PEOPLEDON'T BELIEVE IN HELL.

WE'RE SUFFERING RIGHT NOW, OKAY?

WE CELEBRATE HOWMUCH WE'VE SUFFERED.

PASSOVER... WE'RE CELEBRATING5,000 YEARS AGO

GOD PASSED OVER OUR HOUSESAND MURDERED THE EGYPTIANS.

"THANK GODWE DIDN'T GET SLAUGHTERED.

WHOO, ALL RIGHT!"

( laughter )

EVERYBODY CLAIMSTHEIR RELIGION IS RIGHT

JEWISH PEOPLE, WE SAYWE'RE THE CHOSEN PEOPLE--

CHOSEN TO GET ROUNDED UP FORTHE LAST 1,000 YEARS, THANKS.

AND YOU HAVE LUTHERANS

WHO, SOMEONE TOLD ME,WERE NAMED AFTER LEX LUTHER.

I'M NOT SURE IF THAT'S TRUE.

EPISCOPALIANS, WHO BELIEVETHAT JOE PISCOPO IS THE MESSIAH.

( laughter )

I SAW HIS LAST HBO SPECIAL.

I DON'T THINK WE WANTTO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE THAT.

DON'T FORGET TO GETTHE ANDY KINDLER COMEDY VIDEO

AVAILABLE IN THE LOBBY.

IT'S MY FAVORITE YIDDISH JOKES.

IT'S $6.95, BUT I LEAVETHE RECORD TAB IN IT

SO IF YOU WANT TO TAPE MURDER SHE WROTE OVER IT

I REALLY DON'T CARE.

YOU DON'T SEE JEWISH EVANGELISTS

NOBODY NAMED RABBI JERRY FALBERGON TV ASKING FOR MONEY.

ORAL ROBERTSTEIN, YOU DON'T HEARTHOSE KINDS OF NAMES

JIMMY SWAGGENTHAL,BECAUSE, UH...

JEWISH PEOPLE,WE DON'T NEED THE MONEY.

WE'RE DOCTORS AND LAWYERS.

IT'S THE CHRISTIANSWHO CAN'T HOLD A JOB

WHO GET ON TVAND ASK FOR MONEY!

YOU'RE RIGHT THEREFOR ME EVERY MOMENT.