Victoria Jackson - Nice Ukulele

  • Season 3 , Ep 11
  • 08/15/2000
  • Views: 380

You can't find talent in a guitar store. (2:44)

AND HE GOES,"LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL SUNSET."

AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, YEAH."

AND I SAID, "I WONDER WHYIT GOES SO SLOW ALL DAY,

"AND RIGHT WHEN IT'SAT THE HORIZON,

IT GOES SO FAST,IF YOU BLINK, YOU'LL MISS IT."

I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENS.

I MUST BE AT THE HORIZONOF MY LIFE

BECAUSE TIME IS GOINGSO FAST NOW,

AND TIME USED TO GO SO SLOWIN FIRST GRADE,

LIKE WALKING TO SCHOOLPAST THE MEAN DOG TOOK FOREVER.

AND THE BELL RANG FOREVER,

AND THE ANNOUNCEMENTSWERE FOREVER,

AND THE ANNOUNCEMENTS IN SPANISH

AND THEN WATCHING CARLOS EATHIS CRAYONS NEXT TO ME

AND WATCHING MRS. CASIOTA'SARM FAT JIGGLE

WHEN SHE WROTEON THE BLACKBOARD.

IT WOULD GO WHOOSH, WHOOSH.

AND NOW I WAKE UP,I WATCH FIVE MINUTES OF CNN,

I MAKE THREE PHONE CALLS,AND IT'S THE NEXT DAY.

HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?

SO I WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.

AND THENSOME PEOPLE I KNEW DIED,

AND I WAS VERY SAD,SO I PUT IT INTO MY SONG.

BUT THERE'S JOKES IN IT;DON'T WORRY.

♪ YOU CAN'T BUY TALENTIN A GUITAR STORE. ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T BUY TALENTIN A GUITAR STORE, ♪

♪ BUT YOU COULD BUYLOTS OF GUITAR STRINGS, ♪

♪ LOTS OF CURVYWOODEN THINGS. ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T BUY TALENTIN A GUITAR STORE, ♪

♪ BUT YOU COULD BUYA NICE UKULELE. ♪

♪ I GOT MY KIDS A HAMSTERTHE OTHER DAY. ♪

♪ THEY LOVED HIM TO DEATH,YOU COULD SAY. ♪

♪ I TOLD THEM,"HOLD HIM GENTLE," ♪

♪ BUT THEY MADE HIM DO BALLET.

♪ YOU CAN'T BUY A HAMS-- IT'S TRUE--

♪ YOU CAN'T BUY A HAMSTERTHAT KNOWS BALLET, ♪

♪ BUT YOU COULD BUYA NICE UKULELE. ♪

♪ MY HUSBAND SAIDJUST THE OTHER DAY, ♪

♪ "LOOK AT THE SUNSETGOING DOWN THAT WAY. ♪

♪ "SEEMS TO GO SLOWTHE WHOLE DAY LONG, ♪

♪ BUT IT GOES MUCH FASTERWHEN IT'S NEAR THE HORIZON." ♪

WELL, YOU TRYTO RHYME THOSE TWO WORDS.

♪ "WHY DOES IT DO THAT,AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN?" ♪

♪ I JUST PLAYEDMY NICE UKULELE. ♪

♪ CALLED MY FRIEND UPTHE OTHER DAY, ♪

♪ INVITED HIM TO DINNERIN THE USUAL WAY. ♪

♪ HE SAID HE COULDN'T COME'CAUSE HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. ♪

♪ I SAID, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE?"HE SAID, "I'M TERMINAL." ♪

THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

♪ WE BOTH PAUSEDAND I STARTED PRAY. ♪

♪ I DIDN'T WANT TO PLAYMY NICE UKULELE. ♪

♪ NOW, THE BIBLE HASA WORD OR TWO ♪

♪ ABOUT ME AND ABOUT YOU.

♪ SEEMS TO SAYO'ER AND O'ER AGAIN ♪

♪ THE HORIZON IS NOTTHE END OF OUR LIFE SPAN. ♪

♪ SO I'LL SPEED UP MY SONG--THE HORIZON'S NEAR-- ♪

♪ AND TELL MY KIDSOUR HAMSTER'S IN HEAVEN ♪

♪ WITH MY FRIENDI HOLD SO DEAR. ♪

♪ AND I'LL GRIN AND PLAYUNTIL THE END OF THE DAY ♪

♪ ON MY NICE UKULELE.

♪ YOU CAN'T BUY ETERNAL LIFEIN A GUITAR STORE, ♪

♪ BUT YOU COULD BUY A BIBLEIN A BIBLE STORE ♪

♪ OR GET ONE FOR FREEIN A HOTEL ROOM DRAWER ♪

♪ OR BORROW ONE FROM ME

♪ AND READ JOHN 3:16O'ER AND O'ER. ♪

♪ BUT DON'T TALK ABOUT JESUS'CAUSE PEOPLE GET SORE. ♪

♪ JUST PLAYYOUR NICE UKULELE. ♪

THANK YOU.

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