David Spade - Growing Up Poor

David Spade: My Fake Problems 05/04/2014 Views: 28,205

David Spade never realized how poor his family was until another kid confronted him about it in third grade. (2:05)

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- YOU DON'T KNOWWHEN YOU'RE A KID

IF YOUR FAMILY HASANY MONEY,

'CAUSE EVERYTHING'S FUN WHENYOU'RE A KID.

LIKE, YOU DON'T--YOU'RE TOLD LATER.

YOU KNOW, LIKE,I GUESS WE WERE BROKE.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

EVERYTHING'S, YOU KNOW,YOU PLAY WITH ROCKS, WHATEVER.

I KNEW I WAS BROKE 'CAUSE I HADA ROCK COLLECTION.

I LOOK BACK.

MM, ROCKS ARE FREE.

I DIDN'T REALLY, YOU KNOW,PUT THAT TOGETHER.

MOM'S LIKE, "YOU SHOULD COLLECTBOTTLE CAPS."

IT WASN'T GOLD BARS,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IF YOU'RE A KIDAND YOU DON'T KNOW

IF YOU HAVE MONEY, LIKE,YOU DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT.

BUT WE WERE POOR,AND I DIDN'T KNOW.

AND ONE TIME IN FOURTH GRADE,

THIS KID BUSTED THIS [bleep]WIDE OPEN.

HE JUST WALKS UP.

I'M ON THE PLAYGROUND,JUST CHILLING,

LIKE, OVER BY THE FENCE,YOU KNOW,

AND THERE'S KICKBALL,AND I'M LITERALLY MINDING

MY OWN BIZ,AND THIS KID COMES OVER,

AND HE GOES, "HEY.

I HEARDYOUR FAMILY'S POOR."

I'M LIKE--

BY THE WAY, NEWS TO ME.

AND I GO, "UM, HEH-HEH,

I THINK YOU'VE GOTSOME BAD INFORMATION."

BY THE WAY, P.S.,WHAT A DICK, YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE ALL THE CHICKS ARESTARTING TO LIKE...

[squeaks]LIKE, NOT REALLY

THE PANTY-DROPPERYOU WANT IT TO BE,

EVEN IN THIRD GRADE, LIKE--

SO I GO, "UH, NO, HA-HA.

WE'RE DOING FINE,"

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW,YOU KNOW.

SO THE GUY GOES,"YEAH, IT'S JUST THE WORD

AROUND CAMPUS.YOU'RE POOR."

AND I GO, "OOH," AND THENI START DEFENDING MYSELF.

"AH, WOULD WE HAVE TWO TIRESON OUR LAWN

IF WE WERE POOR?"

"YES."

I GO, "NO.

"NO, YOU DON'T GET IT.

"WE HAVE A CARWITH THE FOUR TIRES,

AND THEN WE HAVE TWO EXTRAON THE LAWN."

HE GOES, "YEAH, YOU'RE BROKE."

I GO, "WOULD I WEARTHE SAME THING EVERY DAY?"

I'M JUST HEARING MYSELF SAYINGIT, GOING--

IF I WAS POOR--AND I CANREMEMBER MY MOM GOING,

"WEAR THAT AGAIN TOMORROW.YOU LOOK GREAT IN IT."

I'M LIKE--SUCH A SCAM.

THEY HAD THE HIGH ONES IN.ONE MORE.