Extended - The Devil Weighs in on the 2016 Election - Uncensored

Extended - Thursday, November 3, 2016 - Uncensored 11/03/2016 Views: 412

The Devil (Greg Proops) can't take credit for Donald Trump's GOP nomination, but wishes he could. (4:00)

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(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)2016 REALLY HAS BEEN ONE FOR THE

AGES.

IT KIND OF MAKES YOU WONDERWHY... WHY THIS HAS BEEN THE

MOST CHAOTIC ELECTION OF OURLIFETIME.

IT'S ALMOST AS IF THERE'S SOMEKIND OF SUPERNATURAL FORCE AT

WORK, SOME KIND OF...

(SOLEMN MUSIC WITH CHANTINGPLAYING)

OH.

(MUSIC POWERS DOWN)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

OH, HE'S OVER THERE.

(COUGHING)DAMNATION, BONES.

I TOLD YOU I WANTED THE LIGHTINGEFFECT STAGE RIGHT.

STAGE RIGHT, GODDAMN IT!

RUINED MY ENTRANCE.

NOW I LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

HERE, HOLD THIS.

>> HARDWICK: I CAN'T...

(LAUGHTER)LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, GREG

PROOPS IS THE DEVIL?

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> I GO BY MANY NAMES.

SATAN, LUCIFER, BEELZEBUB, HEATMAN, THE NEMESIS, THE LORD OF

THE FLIES, LITTLE WARM BUTT,SPICY BOY.

(LAUGHTER)DOUG.

>> HARDWICK: DOUG?

ALL RIGHT. DOUG.

(LAUGHTER)SO, UH... SO, DOUG DEVIL, SPICY

BOY, WHAT ARE...?

WHAT ARE THE LATEST CAMPAIGNDEVELOPMENTS?

>> WELL, I'M JUST GLAD I COULDPLAY A PART IN THE GREATEST

ELECTION IN HISTORY.

IT'S BEEN SO MUCH FUN.

I MEAN, I THOUGHT THE PAPALCONCLAVE OF 1268 WAS

CONTENTIOUS, BUT THIS.

OOH, LA, LA!

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: SO, YOU'RE

ADMITTING THAT YOU'RERESPONSIBLE FOR THE TRUMP

NOMINATION.

>> OH, FUCK, NO. I WISH.

(LAUGHTER)NEVER SAW IT COMING, BRO.

I ASSUMED THE GOP WAS GONNANOMINATE A GOLDFISH LIKE JEB

BUSH OR MARCO RUBIO.

I NORMALLY DON'T EVEN CONSORTWITH REPUBLICANS 'CAUSE OF THEIR

JESUS BULLSHIT, BUT...

(LAUGHTER)...THEN THEY ALL WENT TRUMP, AND

HE'S ALL WAR AND GUNS AND DEATHPENALTY AND RACISM, MINUS THE

DULL MORAL CENTER.

PLUS... HE LOVES TO CUSS AND EATFAST FOOD AND FUCK AROUND ON HIS

SERIES OF EASTERN BLOC WARBRIDES.

>> HARDWICK: OOH, NICE.

(LAUGHTER)>> AND... AND...

(APPLAUSE)MY HOMETOWN PAPER LOVES HIM!

>> HARDWICK: OH, YEAH, THAT'SRIGHT, THERE WAS THE, UH...

THERE IT IS.

>> THE KKK CRUSADER, OR, AS ITSREADERS CALL IT, THE

CRU-SUH-DER.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: SO, UH, SATAN,

YOU'RE A VERY POWERFUL BEING.

>> YES, I WORK AT COMEDYCENTRAL.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: SATAN, YOU'RE ON

BASIC CABLE, SO I KNOW YOU HAVEA LOT OF PLACES TO BE.

>> MM.

>> HARDWICK: YOU SAW THE POLLS--CAN YOU TELL US WHICH WAY IT'S

GONNA GO NEXT WEEK?

WE HAVE NO IDEA.

>> HARDWICK: REALLY? WHAT AM I,NATE SILVER?

>> HARDWICK: I DON'T KNOW.

>> LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW, CHRIS,UH, MR. HARD-SOFT, BUT I...

(LAUGHTER)...I WIN EITHER WAY.

I MEAN, TRUMP'S BAT-SHIT CRAZY,AND HILLARY'S A WARMONGER, AND

HER ONLY PLAN FOR THE ECONOMY ISIN SNAPCHAT MEMES, AND SHE

PISSES OFF HALF THE COUNTRY JUSTBY BEING A WOMAN.

THE TWO-PARTY SYSTEM, WHOEVERWINS, I WIN.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

>> COMEDIANS, IF YOU WEREN'TLIMITED TO THESE TWO CANDIDATES,

WHO WOULD YOU PICK FORPRESIDENT?

>> HARDWICK: JIM JEFFERIES.

>> UH, BILLY BUSH, BECAUSE...

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: THAT'S AN

UNEXPECTED TURN.

>> YOU KNOW, HE'S OUT OF A JOBAND HE LOOKS GOOD ON TELLY,

SO...

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)(SATAN CHUCKLING)

BRIAN.

>> UH, MY GOOD BUDDY BUTTERFARTS, BECAUSE HOW AWESOME WOULD

IT BE TO HAVE EVERYBODY SAY,"PRESIDENT BUTTER FARTS"?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THAT WOULD BEGREAT, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

(APPLAUSE)SO, UH, YOU KNOW, DEVIL, THIS

ELECTION'S MADE US FEEL LIKEWE'RE GOING CRAZY.

I MEAN, IT'S REALLY COMFORTINGTO LEARN THAT YOU HAD A HAND IN

THESE THINGS.

IT JUSTIFIES ALL OF IT.

>> WELL, I'VE BEEN AN AGENT OFCHAOS FOR THIS WHOLE CYCLE.

LOOK, HERE'S ME WITH TRUMP, ONHIS SHOULDER, TELLING HIM TO SAY

"NASTY WOMAN."

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: OH.

>> AND HERE'S ME DISTRACTINGMAJOR BRAIN, GARY JOHNSON, WHILE

HE'S TRYING TO REMEMBER JUSTWHAT THE FUCK ALEPPO IS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, I SEE

IT, I SEE IT NOW.

>> AND HERE I AM TAKING THE FORMOF A SUCCUBUS TO RUIN THE

MARRIAGE BETWEEN BRAD PITT ANDANGELINA.

>> YEAH!

'CAUSE HE GONNA BE MY BABYDADDY!

>> BY THE WAY, THAT WASN'TPOLITICALLY MOTIVATED, I JUST

WANTED TO GET WITH BRAD.

>> HARDWICK: GOT IT.

HE IS A STAGGERINGLY BEAUTIFULHUMAN BEING.

>> OH, YOU SHOULD SEE HIM FROMBELOW.

(LAUGHTER, GROANS)