Colin Jost - Jaded New Yorker

Nick Turner, Colin Jost, Reggie Watts Season 4, Ep 1 07/26/2013 Views: 24,670

Colin Jost assumes that people in trouble are really in the middle of an intricate con. (1:52)

Uh, it's so awesomebeing in New York.

This is where I live,this is my home.

I love it here.

Thank you, you're veryimpressed.

Um, I was walking down thestreet the other day and I

saw a woman fallon the street.

She was totally fine.

We can laugh about it.

And she waswalking towards me.

And she tripped and she fell,but there was nothing

in front of her.

And it looked like she knewshe was going

to trip before she did.

She was walking and shewas like,

"Ah, oh no. Ah. Oh."

And this is how jaded Iam as a New Yorker:

when she fell, myfirst reaction,

I swear to God, was

"This woman is tryingto rob me."

100% I was like, "Iknow how this works.

She pretends to fall, I reachdown to help her, she takes

my wallet, a gypsy drives upon a Vespa, steals my baby."

So I helped her, but from,like, three feet away.

And I was like, "Here,give me your hand.

Let me see both your hands."

The other thing I'vediscovered about

people in New York is thatpeople in New York

are terrible with their money.

I saw a girl in a store theother day,

and she was holding a littledesigner dress,

and she was like,

"Oh, I can't afford this.

Better put it onmy credit card."

I was like, "You know whereelse you could put it?

Back on the [BLEEP] rack."

People just use creditcards like they're

gift certificates.

And now they have creditcards you don't even

have to swipe anymore.

You can just wavethem at stuff.

Like, whee!

Just like they'relittle, tiny magic wands.

Like, "Hi, I bought that.

Bought that too.

What's that?Can you ring me up?

Too late, I alreadybought it."