Cory Kahaney - Lawyer

  • Season 8, Ep 27
  • 06/10/2004
  • Views: 4,315

Cory married the only lawyer in America with a conscience. (2:15)

OH, THANK YOU.

THAT YOU SO MUCH.

WELL, I--

I AM HAVING A REALLY

GOOD YEAR I WILL TELL YOU.

I, AH-- YOU KNOW, LAST COMIC

STANDING, I'M TAPING MY OWN

HALF-HOUR SPECIAL AND MY

DAUGHTER GOT INTO A GREAT

COLLEGE.

AND TODAY IS MY ONE-YEAR

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

BUT THAT'S NOTHING.

I HAVE EVEN BETTER NEWS.

YES, I DO.

'CAUSE I JUST SAVED A BUNCH

ON MY CAR INSURANCE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ALRIGHT, SO ENOUGH WITH THE

HAPPY TALK.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M FED UP WITH?

ANYBODY ELSE-- MAPQUEST, OKAY?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HOW MUCH DOES MAPQUEST SUCK?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I GOT SO

BURNED BY MAPQUEST LAST WEEKEND

THAT JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT

I TYPED IN MY ADDRESS, 76th

STREET AND THAT I WANTED TO GO

TO 77th STREET.

MAPQUEST TOLD ME TO GET ON THE

GARDEN STATE PARKWAY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I HAD TO GO TO STATEN ISLAND

FROM MY HOUSE, THE UPPER WEST

SIDE.

MAPQUEST TOLD ME IT WOULD TAKE

11 MINUTES.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, IF I WAS A HOLOGRAM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW I'M MARRIED ONE YEAR

AND PEOPLE SAY TO ME, YOU KNOW,

"IS IT STILL HOT?"

AND I'M LIKE, "YEAH."

BUT THEN AGAIN, I'VE ONLY BEEN

HOME FOUR DAYS THIS YEAR, SO,

AH...

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T USUALLY MENTION THIS,

BUT I MARRIED A LAWYER, WHICH

I KNOW SOUNDS VERY IMPRESSIVE.

EVERY GIRL DREAMS WHEN THEY

GROW UP THEY'RE GONNA MARRY

A DOCTOR, MARRY A LAWYER.

BUT ME, I HAD TO MARRY THE ONLY

LAWYER IN AMERICA WITH A

CONSCIENCE.

YES.

NO, NO.

I DIDN'T MARRY THE CUTTHROAT,

RUTHLESS, GIVE-ME-ALL-YOUR

MONEY LAWYER.

NO, I MARRIED THE PAY-ME-WHAT

YOU-CAN WHENEVER-YOU-CAN I-JUST

WANT-TO-SEE-JUSTICE-SERVED

LAWYER.

[LAUGHTER]

I GOT SO RIPPED OFF, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

[LAUGHTER]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE?

IT'S LIKE I FINALLY BANGED

A ROCK STAR BUT HE'S WITH

A CHRISTIAN BAND.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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