we're gonna be okay.
I just read this today--absolutely true.
The state of Kansas,the state of Kansas
is going to be the first state
to have state-sanctionedcasino gambling.
And Kansas, nowI know what you're saying.
"Aug, like we neededanother reason to visit Kansas."
'Cause apparently,Kansas needs money,
so they're gonnaopen these casinos.
"And then that tax revenue,well, brother, that's just like
"planting a big, old,fat money seed.
"And then a money treewill grow,
"and we'll just shake the moneyleaves out of the money tree,
"because obviously this taxrevenue is only coming from
"people that can afford it.
"I mean, my God,poor people would never gamble.
"They're great with money.
That's why they're poor!"
You know what?
Hey, hey, government.
Kansas, instead of opening upall these new casinos,
can't we just eliminatethe middle man,
go straight to the trailer park,crack some guy in the knee
with a tire iron,and then empty his Velcro wallet
out of all the money he made
working the swing shiftat the rendering plant?
"But don't worry, think ofwhat it'll do for the economy.
"Think of all the new businesses
"that will open uparound the casino.
"Think of all the new...
"and check-cashing servicesand plasma centers
"and methadone clinics,
"glorious methadone clinicsas far as the eye can see.
"And think of allthe new repo work
"that people will be getting,but don't worry,
"because we'll put the extratax money into social programs,
so you'll have a place to liveafter we tow your house!"
But, you know, I guess if youdon't like the casino, don't go.
It comes down to this,it comes down to this.
When we call drinking a sin,when we call smoking a sin,
when we call gambling a sin,
it takes the responsibilityoff the people doing it.
When we call drinking a sin,
it's like sayingthat the problem is the booze.
America, don't blame the booze.
Here's the thing.
No matter what your problemsin life are, I assure you,
it is not the booze's fault.
Let's get this straightonce and for all.
Okay, you know what?
If you're a jackasswhen you're drinking,
it's becauseyou're a jackass, okay?
That's what's going on there.
There ain't no magical equation
of add liquid, make jackass.
In the insurance game,
it's what they calla preexisting condition.