Matt Braunger - Harnessing Gay Power

Matt Braunger: Big, Dumb Animal Season 1, Ep 101 02/06/2015 Views: 2,623

Matt Braunger proves that there isn't a correlation between homosexuality and natural disasters. (2:28)

That's weird.

I don't get people that thinkclimate change isn't real.

Had a hurricane here in theNortheast to the magnitude

that it's neversupposed to happen.

But I really don't get peoplethat think the first thing I

mention has anything todo with the [beep] second.

Like, that's the craziestthing I've ever heard of.

It's not pollutants.

It's dudes kissingdudes and God's mad.

What don't you get?

[laughter]

First off, if God is causingthese natural disasters

because gay-- like guys arehooking up with guys and girls

are hooking up withgirls-- he's either

drunk or has terrible aim.

When has a hurricaneor a tornado ever

hit San Francisco ever?

Or West Hollywood?

Is he just drunk?

Like, stupid gays.

Oh, [beep] sorry, Nebraska.

My bad.

My bad again.

Wiped out cows andcrops yet again.

Missed all the gays.

And the thing is, look, ifwe knew that gay activity,

specifically sexualgay activity,

could cause naturaldisasters, don't you

think we'd harnessthat militarily?

[laughter]

We're America, OK?

We spend all our money on[beep] guns to run the world.

If we could justhave dudes hook up

and cause tornadoes andshit, that would be amazing.

Some Taliban commandercoming out of his fortress.

What's that in the distance?

Handsome menshoulder to shoulder

as far as the eye can see.

They're not in fatigues.

They're dressed stylishlyand they're holding hands.

Is that ABBA I hear on the wind?

The music of ABBA and Erasure?

And then just a--just a projected

amplified voice of a Sergeant.

It's like, left turn!

Dicks out!

[laughter]

And [beep].

And [beep].

And lightning bolts take outthe entire Taliban compound.

Tornadoes wiping outAmerica's enemies.

[applause]

What's that coming from the sky?

Lesbian paratroopers scissoringas they float to the ground.

Monsoon rains wipingout all of Al Qaeda.

We would give them their owndivision of the military.

You kidding me?

The Army, Navy, AirForce, Marines and gays.

Let them designtheir own uniforms.

[beep] they'd look good, man.

Shit.