Retta - Club Jimmy Hat

  • Season 8 , Ep 5
  • 02/12/2004
  • Views: 4,408

Maybe some girls would go to this club to get their itch on? (2:40)

Retta: AND I LIKE COMING TO

NEW YORK.

THERE'S A LOT OF CLUBS.

BUT WHAT I FIND AMUSING ABOUT

THE CLUBS IS THE ADS THAT THEY

PUT OUT.

IS THE ADS--

WHAT KIND OF IGNORANT--

ARE THE ADS.

AND THERE'S A CLUB IN DOWNTOWN

LOS ANGELES THAT USED TO

ADVERTISE ON THE RADIO.

AND AT THE END OF THE AD,

THE GUY WOULD COME ON AND SAY,

"SO COME ON DOWN TO CLUUUUUB

JIMMY HATS!"

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY.

THE LAST TIME I CHECKED THE

DICTIONARY UNDER URBAN

VERNACULAR, JIMMY HATS WAS A

EUPHEMISM FOR CONDOM.

WHY WOULD YOU NAME YOUR CLUB

"CONDOM"?

[LAUGHTER]

"COME ON DOWN TO CLUUUUUB

PROPHYLACTIC!

WITH YOUR DJ TED VD, VD, VD.

[LAUGHTER]

WITH YOUR HOSTESSNESS,

CHLAMYDIA."

"CHLAMYDIA, GIRL, YOU ARE

LOOKING GOOD IN THAT DRESS.

IS THAT A DKNY?"

"NO, GIRL, THIS HERE'S A S-TD."

[LAUGHTER]

"WITH A LIVE PERFORMANCE BY

"THE CLAP".

THEM BOYS CAN SCRATCH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S JUST A SILLY NAME FOR

A CLUB IS ALL I'M SAYING.

WHY WOULD YOU GO TO THIS CLUB?

PERHAPS TO GET YOUR ITCH ON.

I DON'T KNOW.

THE FIRST 100 GUESTS GET A

FREE SHOT OF PENICILLIN.

[LAUGHTER]

I BRING THIS UP 'CAUSE I'M

PRETTY SURE THAT EVERY WOMAN

HERE HAS EXPERIENCED THIS AT

LEAST ONCE.

LADIES, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN

THE BATHROOM IN A PUBLIC PLACE

OR AT A PARTY AND THERE WAS

SOMEONE ELSE WHO WISHES TO COME

IN NEXT.

BUT INSTEAD OF POLITELY KNOCKING

ON THE DOOR OR GENTLY TRYING THE

KNOB THEY ATTACK THE DOOR LIKE A

ROOKIE DEA AGENT ON HIS FIRST

RAID?

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

RELAX.

GET A DRINK.

TAKE THE EDGE OFF.

UNLESS YOU HEARD I WAS OD-ING IN

THERE THERE'S NO NEED TO KICK

THE DOOR DOWN.

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

'CAUSE TELL ME IF I'M WRONG,

IT'S A BIT JARRING WHEN

YOU'RE TEETERING IN THAT SQUAT

POSITION OVER THE TOILET 'CAUSE

YOU DON'T WANNA GET COOTIES ON

YOUR BOOTY.

MY BALANCE AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO

BE.

SO SURPRISES MAKE FOR A VERY

MESSY SITUATION, YOU KNOW WHAT

I'M SAYING?

PARTICULARLY FOR THAT SWAT TEAM

TRAINEE WHO'S TRYING TO GET IN

NEXT.

AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY THE

SEAT'S ALL WET.

THE SEAT'S ALL WET 'CAUSE

DIRTY HARRY OVER HERE WAS

REENACTING BIG BUST AND SCARED

THE PISS OUT OF ME.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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